


The Lark's Lament

by ForestFairy



Series: The Song of the Sky Lark [1]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Masturbation, Miscarriage, Sexual Content, Torture, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-17
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-02-08 13:09:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1942356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForestFairy/pseuds/ForestFairy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Without warning Johanna Mason's cold eyes are on him, demanding his attention and he begins to sweat. These eyes, dark brown like the timber her District is famous for, appear huge and hypnotizing to Peeta. He feels a blush coming, knowing he won't be able to stop everyone from seeing the redness on his cheeks. Why does Johanna stare at him like this?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Angel of Death

**Author's Note:**

> The Lark's Lament is a Johanna Mason/Peeta Mellark story, so obviously canon-divergence. If you don't like the idea, it is probably best for you to turn around now. To those who remain, welcome, welcome! I hope you enjoy this pairing which strangely works pretty well, in my opinion. And I say that as an Everlark fan! :)
> 
> The scene in the elevator where Katniss and Peeta talk to Johanna for the first time is slightly different in this story. It's a combination from the scene in the movies and the book.

Thirteen year old Peeta Mellark had just received a beating to remember at the hands of his very own mother, when he first laid eyes on deadly but radiant Johanna Mason on television. He had been trying to sneak away from the compulsive Hunger Games viewing on a Sunday afternoon in the town hall with two of his best friends, merchant boys like himself.

In Peeta's opinion there wasn't much sense in watching the Hunger Games in public with the other merchant families. Seam families usually didn't come to the public viewings in the town hall, they were probably watching at the miner's building next to the slag heap. Unfortunately that meant no Katniss Everdeen to keep throwing shy glances at. Admiring Katniss made any day better and would have helped to distract Peeta from watching what was happening on the screen.  
  
The Games were always brutal and there was no censoring, the Capitol made sure of that. He couldn't bear to watch them with all those people around. At thirteen, Peeta and his classmates had just survived their second reaping.

Peeta had nightmares about the Games, especially during the time they were on. There was always blood, too much blood. Bodies torn open and bowels exposed. And the violence, the brutality. He was old enough to be reaped, to be a part in the Games but they still instilled a quiet horror within.  
  
One evening, when he had been seven years old, he had thrown up his entire dinner at home. A tribute had their head hacked off with an axe and the images produced scary nightmares he couldn't seem to get rid of for a long time.  
  
The Hunger Games scared Peeta. Each year - like a clockwork - he was afraid. Afraid that he or his brothers could be reaped, although that was not very likely.  He had been much more anxious that he had to watch these horrendous Games on television.

When his mother insisted the Mellarks go to the public viewing, Peeta had been scared that he would embarass his parents by vomitting all over the town hall floor. That wasn't uncommon, other kids had done it before.  
  
His mother shrugged of his worries, probably thinking him a sissy. She wanted the family to be seen in town, they needed to advertise for the bakery. That didn't make any sense, since Mellark's bakery was the only bakery in District 12, but his mother had been firm about the outing.  
  
When a pair of Peacekeepers caught the trio and brought the boys back to their parents, the look in his mother's eyes promised a beating he would never forget. Naturally she wouldn't beat him in in front of the screen, where all could see. His mother smiled at a friend of hers and said something about boys being boys, but Peeta knew she was fuming. He had made Mellark's Bakery the center of negative attention - in public.  
  
When they were back home, his father and his brothers disappeared to unknown hiding places, sensing Mrs. Mellark's wrath.  That evening his mother made good use of his father's peel on him, in front of the bakery oven. Later that night she forced him to watch the Games in their tiny living room, standing up, because sitting hurt too much.  
  
That was when he consciously registered seventeen year old Johanna Mason for the first time. She seemed like an innocent, fragile girl. Somehow his heart went out to her. He could identify with her, as she must have been very afraid and alone. Poor her.  
  
When Johanna won the 71st Hunger Games however, she looked anything but frail. More like an dazzling angel of death. Peeta, at thirteen, had not been a very good judge of character. He had been projecting his own feelings about the Games on Johanna, as he imagined himself in her position. Playing the weakling, manipulating people into helping and underestimating her - that had been Johanna's plan all along. She fooled everyone and came out as the triumphant victor. Peeta's sympathy for Johanna turned into unease and he was relieved that he didn't have to watch the Hunger Games for another year, forgetting all about Johanna Mason and her clever strategies.

* * *

  
  
The next time he becomes aware of Johanna Mason is when he is seventeen himself, a victor of the Hunger Games. Johanna had probably been in the Capitol to mentor District 7's tributes for the 74th Hunger Games. But Peeta didn't pay much attention to anyone expect Katniss Everdeen, knowing he was about to die and creating a plan with their mentor, Haymitch Abernathy to protect Katniss. He had to focus on getting in with the careers, studying the way the deadly group thought and where their vulnerabilities laid.  
  
He doesn't remember seeing any other mentor after the games either, most likely because of the drugs he was forced to take. They removed his leg, and the pain had been strong. Sometimes he still feels an uncomfortable aching in his non-existant leg. His brain hasn't caught up completely with the reality of losing it. What happened after the Games, he barely remembers. Everything went by in a blur.  
  
Peeta knew he wouldn't survive the Hunger Games. They made him sick just watching them, how could he ever be a contender? Even his mother had known the truth. Peeta was too soft for the brutality of it all. He faced it all the same, because the only thing he could do was to help better Katniss' chances. That was all. That he survived had been a miracle.

For a short time after the Games were over he had been in seventh heaven. Quite naively he thought that all he ever dreamt of was about to come true. A relationship with Katniss Everdeen, the girl he had adored since childhood. There would be more kissing. And when they would finally be back home alone, they would do more than just kiss! Away from the cameras and away from the Capitol.  
  
Naturally that didn't work out. When Katniss confessed that she had been acting in the arena that had hurt. A lot. But not more than what came after the Games. Peeta was unlucky. He had had a full blown crush on Katniss before the Games. But during the Games that crush changed into something more. Love had crept up on him. He started to get to know her better and that entailed the real Katniss.  
  
The harsh reality was that Katniss would never love him back. At least not in the way he loved her. He knew that when he saw her and Gale Hawthorne together after her hunting partner had been whipped. All the jealousy in the world didn't change the fact that he was not Katniss' choice.  
  
They would get married, but she loved another. That was a horrible feeling. He was frustrated about it and didn't want the wedding to happen. Katniss was forced to settle with him. He reluctantly agreed to it, to save all their lives, but was torn apart on the inside, hating everything about that fake marriage, starting from that stupid proposal at the end of the Victory Tour to the faked smiles he had to wear for their prep teams and the Capitol citizens.  
  
When the announcement of the Quarter Quell was made, everything fell into place. He felt like he found his mission in life. That this true purpose was a sure death sentence didn't matter much. Making sure Katniss would survive became the most important thing. He stopped caring about himself during that time, knowing that no one would really miss him anyway.  
  
As soon as he talked to Haymitch about going into the arena, he made sure to get tapes of past Hunger Games. Watching as a kid had been appalling. Now he has to watch them from a different perspective. He makes extensive notes about each and every weakness of the victors and studies their behaviour carefully.

He doesn't come as far as watching Johanna's games until shortly after the reaping.  
  
When he is in the train heading for the Capitol, he chooses a tape randomly and that tape turns out to be the one of the 71st Hunger Games. As soon as Johanna's scared face fills the television screen he remembers these particular Games, and his own memories of the beating he received after the public viewing four long years ago.  
  
Watching it now, all his focus is turned on Johanna Mason. She is an excellent actress. Not one of the other tributes suspect a thing when she is crying, bemoaning her fate and sniffing all the time. The Game makers give her a lousy two and even that seems to be a gift.  
  
In the arena one by one they all die like flies. Girls and boys alike, careers from One and Two and the seam kids from Twelve. The one who keeps on living and outlasts them all is weakling Johanna.

She manages to snag an axe, her weapon of choice as it turns out, from the Cornucopia at the beginning of the Games and that alone makes the other tributes and probably even the audience look on in awe. And how she can handle that axe! Johanna has no qualms about using it, and kills all but eight tributes by throwing it around like a boomerang.  
  
After winning she pushes her axe high up over her head and into the night sky while letting out a magnificent war cry. Then Johanna Mason is smiling knowingly into the camera.  
  
In the interview with Caesar Flickerman Johanna turns out to be quick witted and sarcastic. The way she talks is almost rebellious in a way, but Peeta might imagine this, because who would dare to defy the Capitol in the interviews? Peeta can't help but notice that she also looks stunning in an airy violet cocktail dress that clings to her athletic body like a second skin.

Peeta is sure Johanna Mason is one to watch out for in the Quell. She seems to know exactly what she is doing and Peeta feels an all too familiar fear in the pit of his stomach.  
  
He hopes they all trained enough so that Katniss stands a chance during combat. Sighing he turns to the next tape, when Katniss joins him for more watching. Katniss did grow more distant each day during the last weeks and Peeta suspects it has to do with Gale. He wonders if she and Gale did more than just kiss, after the Quell Announcement. He is almost sure they did, as Katniss doesn't visit him in his train compartment at night anymore.  
  
They were always holding one another, helping each other with the nightmares on the Victory Tour. But whatever happened then seems to be in the past. Gone. Katniss keeps her distance and Peeta can't blame her. Sleeping in the same bed would be cheating on Gale and Katniss is just too pure and honest to do something like this to a boyfriend.  
  
This is one of the reasons why Peeta likes her so much. She would never betray the one she chose to be with. If he is honest, he himself cannot really feel betrayed by Katniss, because her love is something he never had. Katniss never promised him anything, and while he thinks that she definitely cares for him, he can feel that romance is a non issue when it comes to her feelings for him.  
  
Admittedly they are in a life and death situation. Who knows how her feelings would have developed if it weren't for the Quell. Peeta suspects he is sugarcoating their relationship in his mind. It doesn't matter anyway, because in a week he is most definitely dead. There won't be more than one victor this time, the Capitol will make sure of that. And what chance does he stand against victors like Johanna Mason?

* * *

  
  
Haymitch, Katniss and Peeta just step on an elevator cart after the chariot ride in the streets of the Capitol when the real Johanna Mason appears in front of Peeta. She slips into the cart with them, all her focus on the girl on fire. Johanna compliments Katniss, but her voice is cold and anything but genuine. Haymitch just smiles into his hands and Peeta feels like there is a weird tension between the four of them. They are in close proximity in the small elevator and it is kind of hot inside.  
  
Johanna Mason is taller than he is but that in itself isn't exceptional. Even Delly Cartwright is taller than he is. There had been a time when this fact annoyed Peeta to no end. He suspects that he ceased to grow when he was around fourteen and then stopped caring about his height when he was thrown into the Hunger Games. The Games make you sort out your life priorities. Things that were bugging you before turn insignificant afterwards.  
  
Without warning Johanna Mason's cold gaze is on him, demanding his attention and he begins to sweat. Her eyes are dark brown, like the timber her district is famous for. They appear huge and hypnotizing to Peeta. He feels a blush coming, knowing he won't be able to stop everyone from seeing the redness on his cheeks. Why does Johanna stare at him like this?  
  
Then she smiles as if she decided on something and turns around, slowly undressing herself, showing them her bared back. Haymitch chuckles, Katniss gasps in confusion and Peeta cannot believe his eyes. For the first time in his life he is actually in touching distance to a naked woman. The light blush on his cheeks is turning into a firing red when Johanna turns around to face them. He can only stare back at her, consternated.  
  
At first Peeta tries to keep his gaze at her head, concentrating on her dark spiky hair but the grin she is sending his way seems to taunt him, daring him to look. So look he does. His eyes travel down her body and take her all in. Her skin is soft and light and seems to glow from some sort ligneous smelling, oily lotion. Her apple sized breasts look firm and conical shaped with her pink nipples pointed straight towards Peeta, whose hands start to twitch.

It is hot in the elevator, so why does she look like she's cold? Peeta suppresses a groan as he feels an erection forming against his tightly fitting pants. He is thankful to Portia that the material doesn't seem to be elastic. No one will see. 

Curiosity overwhelms him and his gaze travels further south. Johanna is not hairy between her legs but not completely bare either. Her stylist left a short protective stripe of brown soft hair over her mound. It is covering up her womanhood so unfortunately he cannot make out much in the dim light. Her legs are long and shapely and when Peeta's gaze arrives at her slim ankles clad in a pair of high heels, the elevator door beeps once. His eyes are back at her face and she winks at him, turns around and leaves the elevator, her hips swaying. Peeta catches one last look at her tight bottom before the door closes in front of him.  
  
He curses inwardly at the weakness of his body as they arrive on the twelfth floor. He is still erect. This was all a big show to intimidate and to tease Katniss. It seems to have worked because Katniss is miffed at the behaviour of the other victors. Haymitch tries to calm Katniss down, but she is so offended that she leaves for bed immediately, not wanting to see any of them. Peeta is equally as eager to get away, returning to his own room.  
  
He paces around the room, trying to make his erection to go away through sheer willpower. Why did Johanna's focus turn on him when she wanted to get a reaction from Katniss? Could she be interested in him?

Peeta feels a bit star struck by the events of the day. Seeing these famous victors up close was so surreal - they said hello to Finnick Odair! Finnick is very popular - there were even girls at school in Twelve who fancied the handsome man from District 4.  
  
And now Johanna Mason, a Hunger Games victor. 

Peeta has never been the center of _real_ female attention. He suspected that thirteen year old Elena Baghouse, the grocer's youngest daughter, had a crush on him, for a long time. She always blushed when he passed her at school and she came to the bakery regularly, obviously trying to get a glimpse of him. But Elena was just a little girl.

There had never been a girl his own age and definitely no older woman. What would Johanna Mason actually see in him? Or is she trying to confuse him? After all they will be in the arena together in a few days. Maybe she already worked out some clever strategy, focusing on the victors she deems weak.  
  
Calming down doesn't work even after he brushed his teeth and changed into a pair of light pajama pants. Impatiently he lies down on the bed, pushing one hand into his briefs. He is angry that even in such a situation, with only a few days left to live, his body still insists on satisfying this more primal urge.

When he masturbates he usually doesn't think much, doesn't have concrete thoughts of anyone. Not even of Katniss. Masturbating is only a way to get his body to calm down and to finally fall asleep. That makes it even more surprising when, instead of vague female shapes and warm colors, all he can think of is Johanna Mason. Her hair, her eyes, her breasts. And her vagina. Clenching down on him. He groans, jerks once and comes hard, suppressing a loud moan which would surely have been heard all through the hallway, if he hadn't been biting on his lip.

What was that? He looks down at his body and can barely comprehend what just happened. He never comes as fast as that. Ashamed he seeks refugee in the bathroom, taking a very cold shower.

* * *

  
  
It doesn't help though and he isn't able to fall asleep. Sighing he makes his way out of his room, heading for his usual place on the roof top. Maybe he can work on a strategy, an idea that forces the president to rethink the Quell.

He makes his way to the small bench that overlooks the city when he notices that someone is already there. Feeling uncomfortable with the company of an unknown person he turns around to make his way back to the elevator as quietly as possible.  
  
"Wait a minute," a female voice calls. Stupid artificial leg. He will never go anywhere unnoticed again.

"You're Peeta, Peeta Mellark, right?"

He turns around. It is Johanna Mason and that fact alone makes him blush, after what he did earlier. She is most definitely not naked now, wearing a fuchsia colored jumpsuit.

He nods, "Yes, that's me. Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you."  
  
She beckons him to come closer and says, "I'm Johanna, Johanna Mason, as you already know." She winks at him. "And don't you worry, you're not bothering me. In fact I'd love some company after this terrible day of forced smiles and fake hand shakes."

Johanna smiles at him and he can't help but smile back. She doesn't seem so intimidating in the soft light of the full moon. Johanna is smaller now and Peeta sees that she is wearing no heels. They are practically the same height and that is comforting.  
  
"Sit down, sit down. It's not every day I have the opportunity to talk with Peeta Mellark, lover boy of the famous girl on fire. This is my chance to get to know the man behind the smile," Johanna grins at him.

Peeta feels a sudden urge to deny that he is Katniss' lover, he wants to tell Johanna that their romance is fake. But he is Katniss' fiancé for real and it won't do him any good if Johanna knows they're only pretending.  
  
He sits down on the bench and asks, "How long have you been here?"

Feeling nervous at being so close to her, he catches a whiff of an airy fragrance, maybe hyacinth. She must have showered. 

"Oh, a few hours already. Don't tell anyone, but this is my secret spot. I came here a lot in the week before my Games."  
  
"Me too! Last year I was so nervous I couldn't sleep and when I found this place, it was just perfect. I think it's really beautiful, all the greenery and the colors. Like a small oasis. And you can actually see the sky," he laughs and then stops himself.

Peeta is not sure how much he can actually say to Johanna without giving too much away. They are playing a dangerous game of life and death and maybe she will manipulate him, like she manipulated the other tributes before.  
  
"Boo then, I guess. I thought myself special. That I was the only one who discovered the top floor. But it is closer to level 12. It makes sense for you to come here. Where is your sweetheart? Shouldn't you both be here, serenading each other on a romantic moonlit night like this?"  
  
"She's not my sweetheart," he says before he can stop himself. Johanna raises her eyebrows and makes a motion with her hand, indicating that he must be careful. The Capitol is listening, everywhere at any time. He nods, hinting that he understands her warning.

Johanna seems to be alright. She worries about him saying the wrong thing, which is kind. Hesitantly he asks her about her home, District 7.  
  
"The woods look beautiful, you have a lot of amazing landscapes there. After we visited I drew a dozen sketches of trees," he says.

"Oh, yes, I heard that's your talent. You should show me a painting of yours when you have the time. Well, the District is as thrilling as ever. All those trees and all that timber. Can it get more exciting than that? The Capitol is a real bore if you compare it to the fun fair that is District 7!" Her eyes are twinkling and he chuckles.  
  
"What do you do all day in your Victor's Village? Do you live with your family?" he asks, wanting to know more about Johanna.

She blinks once and answers reluctantly, "No, I don't live with my family. My family is dead."

Peeta pales. He should've thought of that possibility before asking Johanna about them. Her family might've been killed by the Capitol, like Haymitch's family.  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispers.

Johanna shakes her head, which makes the pair of golden earrings she wears tingle against her neck.

"You don't have to be. It's not some tragic story. Actually it has been only me and my mother before I got reaped. I don't know who my father is, my mother never told me. My mother, well, she could only work in physically less demanding jobs as she had been sick as long as I can remember. There are not a lot of these jobs in the timber industry. I had to take tesserae, starting with my first reaping. It's a wonder I only got reaped at seventeen and not before."  
  
Peeta stares at Johanna. Not a tragic story? What she told him just now is the very definition of a tragic story. Being a child born out of wedlock is looked down upon, especially in the Districts. These kids were bullied and tormented enough without having a sick parent.  
  
"She died a few weeks after I came back home from the Games. We barely had time to decorate our new house together," Johanna sighs.

"My mother and me we were quite a pair. She had been only sixteen when she became pregnant. We were more like sisters and never had that classical mother and daughter relationship. I really do miss her."

Johanna rubs her eyes, which turn red rimmed as a result.

"It is better this way. She doesn't have to suffer anymore and she was spared from having to see me go into the arena a second time. She would have died from the shock of the Quarter Quell Announcement. And as a plus point I have a huge house all to myself now. I can do whatever I want! Like running around naked."

Johanna grins at Peeta, who is too baffled at what she just told him to react at her teasing. He doesn't even wonder for one short second if the tale of her dead mother is really the truth. He feels that it is. There is no lie in Johanna's words on this rooftop tonight.

He always pitied Katniss'  and thought her situation unfair and harsh. But Katniss has the love of her mother, her sister and Gale. Being all alone in this cruel world is the worst thing he can imagine. He wants to offer some comfort to Johanna and starts to reach for her, when she interrupts his gesture.  
  
"So, Peeta Mellark, after I basically told you everything there is to know about me, it is your turn. I want all the dirty details," she smirks.  
  
"Dirty details? There are no dirty details, I'm afraid. I'm only a baker's son from District 12 who got lucky and survived the Games, although the odds were definitely not in my favor."

Peeta has to be careful, he cannot let it slip that Katniss is just pretending to be the girl who is head over heels in love with him, that they are not star-crossed lovers.  
  
"You live with your mommy and daddy in the Victor's Village? Got any siblings to share all the wealth with?"  
  
"I have two older brothers. The oldest is not in school anymore and will take over the family business. My parents still live in town with both of my brothers as they have to keep an eye on the bakery," Peeta says, feeling down, thinking of his own family. His parents told him they didn't want the bakery to be unattended at night, while he suspects that they just didn't _want_ to move to the Victor's Village.  
  
"I wanted to move back home, but as the Capitol had this wonderful huge house all set up for me who could've said no to such luxury?" he grins at Johanna, knowing she would understand his little dig at President Snow.

All the victors have to move to their respective Victor's Village after the Hunger Games, no exceptions.

He had asked his mother if he could sleep at home every now and then, missing his family and the company. She refused. They had already burned his childhood bed in the ovens, making room so that his brothers could finally each have a bedroom of their own.

The Hunger Games made Peeta realize that he hadn't been as loved as he thought. His parents certainly had provided him with food and shelter, but one would more likely receive a beating than a kind word in the Mellark household. His father didn't hit him, but he had always preferred his first born son. And the middle Mellark brother didn't care about anything but his own success at the wrestling club in school. His family had not suffered that much when he was reaped and he doubts that they would've grieved for long had he died.  
  
"Good thing that they didn't move in with me. I think they wouldn't appreciate being forced to move out again after just one year. What an inconvenience," he adds in a mocking tone. Johanna looks thoughtful.  
  
"I guess, you don't think you're going to return," she says.

He nods. There is no use in pretending. Even if she survives this, he won't. It might even be that Johanna already has a plan set in motion, a plan to kill him. He is so tired about it all and having to kill the other victors is something he can't bring himself to think about as it makes him feel even more exhausted.

He likes Johanna. She is funny and easy to talk to. And it has nothing to do with her looking absolutely perfect in the nude.  
  
She moves closer to him and he is fascinated by her big dark brown eyes. Her pupils almost seem to eclipse the irises.  
  
"I wouldn't be so sure about that, Peeta Mellark," she whispers, almost silently. She kisses him tenderly on his lips. All the sadness is blown away in an instant as Johanna deepens the kiss by using her tongue to gain entrance to his mouth. He returns the kiss hesitantly and feels his body reacting to her for the second time today.

Just as he is lifting his arm to embrace her, Johanna stops the kiss. He must look ridiculous, with flushed cheeks and wide eyes.  
  
Johanna looks cool and collected and smiles at him. She stands up and turns towards the elevator, walking down the path slowly, swaying her hips as she goes.

Halfway down she turns around and says "Good night, Peeta. I'll see you tomorrow," in a loud voice, so that every bug on the roof catches it. And then she is gone.

Peeta doesn't understand what just happened here. Johanna Mason kissed him on the mouth. And it wasn't as innocent as the kisses he had shared with Katniss in the cave. There had been a hidden passion, a promise of more in that kiss.

Why would Johanna kiss him? She wanted to kill him, didn't she? Peeta forces himself to stand up and go to bed. He has to be in the training center in a few hours, and he doesn't want to appear too weak due to fatigue.

Dawn is breaking over the buildings of the Capitol when Peeta finally falls in an uneasy sleep. He dreams of trees in full bloom with fuchsia colored petals, growing high into the blue sky of District 7.


	2. Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His facial expression is hard to decipher, a kind and polite mask, his cheeks slightly pink. Beneath that outward appearance it looks like Peeta Mellark has that maturity of a Hunger Games victor, that knowing look they all wear so well. Faintly she wonders about his naked form, what face he would make while coming, what kind of sounds would leave his throat in ecstasy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been hesitant to post this for while, lacking confidence. I guess that two months after I started this story it is time to get over my issues and update. This chapter is longer than the first and you'll have to live with a POV switch. Remember I don't have a beta. Thanks to every AO3 reader who left a comment and/or kudo on The Lark's Lament. I can't stress enough how important that is to motivate me to write. Between all that Everlark, Everthorne, Joniss, whatever, we need more Malark fanfiction in this world, so stop dreaming and take action. Write your own. Now!

Twenty year old Johanna Mason was sipping another kiwi-flavored cocktail on the train from District 7 to the Capitol when she first set her eyes on young Peeta Mellark on television. She watched the reapings on her own to see what kind of competition her tributes had in her third year as a mentor.  
  
She didn't think much of any of the tributes that year, especially the careers were the same old bunch - very predictable. If she had to bet on one she would have chosen the silent, hulking guy from District Eleven who looked like a force to be reckoned with and intelligent at that. In the end he wasn't career though, his chances for sponsors were average at best. The other tributes left little to no impression on her, but there was a girl from Twelve who had volunteered for her sister. Seemed brave but brainless. That braided missy just signed her own death sentence, additionally loading a bunch of guilt on her little sister's small shoulders by going into the Games. Volunteering on instinct without thinking it through was a stupid mistake.  
  
The last reaped tribute of the 74th Hunger Games - a blonde boy from Twelve - was forgotten seconds after the Capitol cut back to Caesar Flickerman.

* * *

  
  
Tributes from District 7 would not survive for long and Johanna didn't care much, because no one had cared about her back then either. She gave advice as good as she could and that was it. In her opinion the tributes should consider themselves lucky with her as a mentor. Primarily because Johanna wasn't an inhabitant of LaLa-Land like many of the other victors turned mentors.

It had only been three years since her games and other than the occasional drink and a few nice morphling trips curtesy of the Capitol she didn't do many drugs. Yet. Johanna knew it might only be a matter of time until she would end up like some victors who turned into morphlings or useless drunkards. 

Or not. Johanna was a tough girl. And the Capitol didn't own her. At least not like it owned the others.  
  
Of course none of her tributes made it even past the Cornucopia bloodbath. She had told them to focus on the big one of Eleven and then Seven's male tribute, Alex, had been killed by the brooding guy - Thresh, early on. Johanna wanted to go home immediately after the tributes deaths, but the mentors had to stay until the Games were officially over - and that could take weeks.

This year hushed talks between the victors about several smaller riots in their districts made her interested in finding out more. If there was ought to be a rebellion Johanna wanted to be a part of it - she had several scores to settle with the likes of President Snow and his government.  
  
The Gamemakers created a situation where two victors from one District could survive, a novelty. Thanks to the popularity of brainless from District 12 and her District partner, labelled _lover boy_ by the careers. This guy really had the nerve to declare his crush on braid girl in the interviews.

Johanna couldn't believe it. Especially when she thought of Haymitch Abernathy, District Twelve's lone surviving victor. Abernathy was a drunk weirdo. She found him funny - liked him even - but she never thought he would be able to plan something as grand as this star-crossed-lovers thing. And that was what it was to Johanna. A scheme, a show, some clever plan to win the games. It was a strategy, similar to the one she herself used to win.  
  
Johanna had planned it on her own. No mentor helped, she thought it up on a night, almost 8 years ago - shortly before her first reaping, beneath the sheets in her small children's bed, when she and her mother had still lived in their small shed in District Seven's slum, widely known as the Girder.

She had watched several Hunger Games by then and instead of just being scared of the whole thing she tried to analyze them so she would be prepared in the unlikely situation of her name being called.

It had been a delicate plan, pretending to be weak. After getting a measly 2 there had been no sponsor interested in investing in her. In the end Johanna had been the very first victor in history who won the Hunger Games without receiving a sponsor's gift.  
  
If Abernathy hadn't planned the star-crossed-lover thing, lover boy must've. Johanna started to pay attention to Peeta Mellark. Not sure what to think of him she wondered if the boy was he really that mastermind behind a plan to get out of the arena alive? Doubtful. He could not have foreseen the circumstances. Might be that he just got lucky.

* * *

  
  
Before returning to Seven after the 74th Hunger Games Johanna had been invited to a secret party at Plutarch Heavensbee's mansion. She considered cancelling as she wasn't part of that circle of Victors who practically lived in the Capitol, like Finnick Odair or Blight who spent his few days in Seven smoking morphling grass and making up drinking songs. But Blight had practically begged her to come with him.  
  
She was reluctant because an invitation for a similar party had arrived at her house in the Victor's Village shortly before her mother died. Her bags had been packed for the Capitol visit when she found her mother dead in bed. She informed her escort, a hysteric middle-aged woman called Labele Yem, that she couldn't come and that had been accepted without any outcry.

She never had been invited again, and Johanna suspected it was because she had no one left now, whose death the government could've threatened her with.  She hadn't exactly been popular like Finnick Odair either. Rich Capitol folk didn't like to spend their hard earned bucks on someone they considered abrasive or slightly crazy like her.  
  
While the hate against the Capitol coursed hotly through her veins, she had been curious about that party at the mansion. Blight introduced her to Heavensbee and she was made privy to the existence of a rebellious group composed of Capitol people and District rebels. This group had been active for years in the underground, and headquarters were located in the ominous District Thirteen.

Johanna had been shocked when they told her they had been waiting for an opportunity to rebel, for the chance of a full fledged revolution. Plutarch Heavensbee even admitted that they had considered her, Johanna Mason, as the symbol of that revolution but - story of her life - she wasn't popular, so they decided to wait for someone more suited to come along.  
  
The 74th Hunger Games brought forth Katniss Everdeen. Fittingly called The Girl on Fire she had it all, a brave girl who volunteered for her sister and a heartbreaker of all the boys in her District. Heavensbee couldn't have wished for a better scenario and he and Haymitch Abernathy seemed pretty sure, when he told Johanna and the other victors about his plans. When Katniss pulled that stunt with the berries it seems like they had planned it all, had written the script for it. It was decided that Katniss Everdeen would have to be protected at all cost, Plutarch wanted her to be the face of a new future for Panem.  
  
No one spared a thought about Peeta Mellark it seemed, which Johanna found strange. When she inquired about his fate Heavensbee just shrugged, while Haymitch went on a rant about how Katniss was special and Peeta was kind.

The baker's son had been a hit in the Capitol and seemed to be made for being the spokesperson of anything, really. He probably could sell shit to those Capitol folks with his charming smile. All his interviews hinted at an outgoing personality that surely would be able to move the masses with speeches. Katniss Everdeen was a shy wallflower in comparison. The girl stumbled over her words in her interviews and Johanna asked herself if there was something about her that she just couldn't see. Katniss left her cold.  
  
After being let in on the rebellion at Heavensbee's house Johanna went back home, feeling excited and hopeful for the first time since her mother died. Her worries became small when she thought about the possibility of Coriolanus Snow choking on his own blood in the near future. The Capitol would burn!

* * *

  
Johanna had always been carefully making sure that she didn't bring the same guy home twice but now these concerns seem to be weirdly childish. She felt elated and free about doing whatever she wanted and immediately upon her return home went straight to the lumber mill. While leaning against a huge oak tree opposite to the entrance she waited for Wulfrayd to finish his shift. When the first workers left they kept throwing her sharp glances, but Johanna only grinned. She didn't care what the people in the District thought of her. They had called her mother a slut all her life, she had been subjected to years of abuse and bullying. After her victory no one dared to bully her anymore. Only when she had been a small girl had the insults hurt.  
  
Her ma had been a kind woman, a loyal soul and she had only ever slept with one person in her life, and that person had been Johanna's father. Her ma never talked about him. Never told her daughter his name, believed her little girl to be unaware. Johanna knew who he had been, but left her ma ignorant of that fact. Her father was the reason why she would never stop hating the Capitol and Snow for destroying her mother's happiness.  
  
When Wulfrayd appeared with a couple of peers she smiled. As handsome as ever, the little devil. She felt a surge of excitement in her lower regions. Maybe he could come home with her, talk a little and then more? It had been too long. Wulfrayd's face, usually mischievous and cheeky fell when he saw Johanna waiting for him and excused himself to his friends when he shuffled over to her.  
  
"What are you doing here Johanna?" he had asked, looking around nervously. He wasn't happy to see her, that much was obvious.  
  
"I thought maybe you'd like to come for dinner tonight at my house? Around eight or so?" she had replied, but after seeing his face fall the answer did not come as surprise. Finding solace in the fact that he looked genuinely dejected when he told her that he would never lie with her again she gave him a sad smile.  
  
"I'm engaged now, my parents arranged it. She is a nice young lass, third daughter of the foreman. We're building a house together at the edge of town. I gotta go, Johanna. I'm sorry," had been his words and with that he had fled, blushing at being caught talking with Johanna Mason in public. He had been from the Girder so the move to town was a step up.  
  
_'There you go'_ , Johanna had thought as she watched his retreating form, _'don't let your lass get the wrong idea.'_ Sighing she made her way back home. It would have been so convenient to get Wulfrayd back in her bed, she liked him, he was funny and he knew how to touch her body, brought her to orgasm every time.  People widely believed that Johanna lost her virginity at twelve, before her first reaping, but they couldn't be more wrong. She had been a virgin until shortly after her games.  
  
When Blight told her what most victors were forced into in the Capitol she didn't falter and resolved that her first time would never be with one of them. She had chosen one of the carpenters, who had been working on her new house in the Victor's Village, as her first. The man hadn't been completely happy with it, perhaps wasn't sure how he could have rejected their newest Victor. He didn't resist when she unceremoniously told him what she wanted to do, and as soon as she'd dropped her clothes on the floor he willingly participated. They did it in her new bedroom, smelling of freshly cut timber, while her mother was packing things up in their old flat at the Girder, seemingly unaware.  
  
That was the last she saw of the guy, never asking for his name. Meeting two or three willing guys around the District during these last 3 years had been a piece of cake. Wulfrayd had been the only one she had had sex with more than once. She wasn't in love with him, and when she told him that she only wanted a physical relationship and never more he had looked hurt and stopped seeing her. For a few weeks. Then one evening they met at the town square by chance and he returned into her embrace. Johanna never took him back to her house - she didn't think that the Capitol needed to know that she met the same man regularly.

She enjoyed his company, did not want him dead.  
  
Wulfrayd was out of reach and while part of her regretted that, she could never have given him what he wanted. With the rebellion on her mind she was too nervous for her usual trips to downtown Seven on the roam to find a new partner for the night, opting to take the safe route masturbating to satisfy her sexual urges. The announcement of the Quarter Quell had been shocking, even though she had expected something involving the former victors.

Plutarch Heavensbee had dropped hints and she prepared herself as the only surviving female victor of District Seven. She spent her days before the reaping honing her axe skills in the back yard and training her body back into survival mode, building up muscles while jogging across the District. The plan for the arena was to make sure that Katniss Everdeen survived, at all costs. In turn that also meant protecting Peeta Mellark, if he was reaped, as there were apprehensions that Katniss would collapse if Mellark died.  
  
Johanna only stopped her rigorous training regiment a few days before the reaping when she felt wetness between her thighs during one of her jogs. ' _Dammit_ ', she thought. That meant she would probably be on her period in the Capitol, depending on how long the Quell would last. And there was the possibility of her death of course. The plan was dangerous and as her name was pulled from the glass bowl, anger began to root deep in her stomach. Why did she have to risk her life again?  She had a feeling there wouldn't be many victors making it out, and different to the precious Girl on Fire, no one would sacrifice themself for her.

 

* * *

  
Back in the Capitol there isn't any talk or secret meetings between the rebels anymore. It would be too risky so everyone has to act out some sort of dumbed down protest, hoping against hope that they will stop the Quarter Quell if enough Capitol citizens protest. In Johanna's last days in the training center the tension in the air is so thick that she almost physically feels it. It is a wonder that the Capitol officials stay unaware.  
  
To her own annoyance and surprise she feels more alive than ever before, bursting with pent up energy and slightly horny. Is that because the end is near? It's different to her original Games. At  21, she'd never felt sexier and enjoys the waxing job her prep team does on her for once, even the sexy dress her stylist chose for her to wear meets her approval. It would be a shame to create ugly lines under that beautiful dress so she skips the underwear, feeling free and happy as the silky fabric fits snugly around her oiled body. She briefly thinks of a one night stand, but regrettably dismisses the notion for better lack of candidates.  
  
Because honestly who could be considered? Certainly not one of those Capitol clowns.

Longingly her thoughts drift to Wulfrayd when she is on the chariot with Blight. She should have fucked him goodbye one last time, for good measure. He had been present at the reaping with his big chested, pregnant wisp of a wife, a girl her polar opposite. Regret had been evident in his chappy features. She can't consider any of the other reaped victors or mentors.

Contrary to popular belief she doesn't like her men older and they are all almost twenty years her seniors, except Finnick. And Finnick has his Annie. _'No options left'_ , she thinks, when Blight holds out his hand to help her of the chariot. She hops down and just when she decided to call it a night and enjoy a nice bubble bath in her room a movement catches her attention. Out of the corner of her eye she sees Katniss Everdeen stomping towards the elevators followed by Abernathy and Mellark like dogs on the girl's leash.  
  
"Johanna, what?" Blight asks confused when she practically dashes over to the elevator and jumps in with the trio. There she is. Katniss Everdeen. They are basically the same size and Johanna grudgingly admits to herself that Katniss looks absolutely fantastic in her outfit, so she goes straight in for a compliment which Katniss awkwardly returns. Her make up is dramatic and she makes a feral impression, like she is ready to kill someone at this very moment. Preferably Johanna. Ha. So Katniss does have that spark indeed, that charisma, Johanna can see it now that she is closer to her. Will it be enough for a real revolution, for an overthrow of the government? That's the real question here.  
  
While she continues to tease Katniss, she is also aware that there are two other victors in the small cart. Haymitch Abernathy is grinning into his beard, sweating under the artificial light. He seems amused at their little conversation and wipes his brow. It is quite hot in here, the omnipresent air conditioning of the Capitol, not working as it should in this particular elevator.  
  
She shifts slightly to the side and her eyes fall onto Peeta Mellark. He is stockily built and the smallest person between the four of them. Even smaller than Katniss. His blond curls stick against his forehead. His eyes look like the sky over District Seven in summer. Endless depths of blue. She might imagine it but Peeta Mellark doesn't look at Katniss Everdeen like he did on TV before, his expression is more guarded and neutral instead of openly admiring.  
  
When his gaze meets hers, Johanna's heart skips a beat. What's this? She stares at him, takes him in more closely. He looks strong. The boyish charm of the sixteen year old who won the Hunger Games last year is gone. Muscles bulge under the skin of his arms and she remembers that he is a baker's son - lots of workout with heavy flour bags.  His facial expression is hard to decipher, a kind and polite mask, his cheeks slightly pink. Beneath that outward appearance it looks like Peeta Mellark has that maturity of a Hunger Games victor, that knowing look they all wear so well. Faintly she wonders about his naked form, what face he would make while coming, what kind of sounds would leave his throat in ecstasy...  
  
She is attracted to him. Oh, for heaven's sake she _is_ attracted to him. She feels it in the swell between her legs, in the way her nipples harden, from the way she imagines herself in his strong arms. He would know what to do with these hands of his.  
  
There is no denying, her body wants him. Only one way to find out if he reciprocates or is exclusive in his affections for the girl on fire. The decision is made in seconds and she grins, focusing all of her seductive energy on him. She faces the door and angles herself so that when she turns around she'll be in his direct line of vision, completely bared. Slipping out of her dress she hears a slight gasp from Katniss, a chuckle from Haymitch and...silence from Peeta. She wills her face into a knowing smile and turns back to look at him.  
  
His face is red, a pretty natural reaction. He doesn't look at her body, determinedly focused on the spiky hair on her head.  
  
_'Get a look, come on, look, just one little look'_ , she thinks, _'I know you want to.'_

Her nipples are erect and she wants him to see. After a few seconds he loses his inner fight and does look, his jaw hard. He takes his time. Seeing him squinting his eyes when his gaze arrives between her legs to get a better view makes her stomach do a happy dance. He _is_ interested, that's obvious now. She winks at him before she steps out of the elevator, a spring to her steps. Her last days in the Capitol might even become her best ones, yet.

 

* * *

  
  
The bubble baths were one of the few things she really loved in the Capitol. She had looked forward to a bath tub in her house in the Victor's Village but to her everlasting disappointment they only installed showers in District 7. The Capitol wanted the population to think that the victors had it made, lived a life in luxury and happiness but behind the facade the houses of the Victor's Village began to crumble.  She'd seen the Victor Villages of District 1 and 2 and the difference was like day and night.  
  
Pouring in a hyacinth bath additive she washed away the oily lotion and the grime of the day, while she played with herself slowly, dreaming of blue.

How could she get Peeta Mellark alone in the next few days? He probably wouldn't be leaving Katniss' side and she wanted to take him to bed, hoping he felt the same, encouraged by his reaction in the elevator.

But every damn place here was bugged. Officially Peeta and Katniss were a couple. She didn't know if they did it behind the scenes as well, but both of them couldn't risk being caught with other partners in the Capitol. On the other hand, they were going into certain death, so who'd fucking care about them having a little fun on the sidelines?

Johanna gnawed on her lips, more insecure about Peeta and Katniss' relationship than she liked. It was only sex. Surely Peeta could separate his feelings for his fiancée from a night of fun with her?  
  
Leaving a trail of bath water behind she chooses her favourite comfy jumpsuit for bed, but finds she has a hard time falling asleep. Open spaces often help her think so she goes to top of the training center where Peeta Mellark finds her only minutes later. She grins. It is like fate wants them to happen or else he wouldn't have showed up, right?

 

* * *

  
  
When she steps into the cafeteria of the training center the next day, no one is up yet. She didn't get much sleep last night.

After having a careful conversation with Peeta on the rooftop, she'd gotten hornier by the minute and nearly jumped him. Until he said something that pulled on her heartstrings. Peeta thinks he is going to die. Which makes sense. But somehow she doesn't understand why Haymitch and Heavensbee haven't told the two victors from District Twelve about the rebellion. This is so risky, who knows what both of them are going to do in the arena without that knowledge?

What's even crueler in Johanna's opinion - making Peeta think that there is no way he will survive this. She, at least, can allow herself to hope that they'll somehow get out of the arena, frail as the chances might be. But Peeta....she didn't know what to say to him after that, all thoughts of sex gone from her mind.

Bad at comforting people with words she took action and gave him a gentle kiss, meant to be nothing more than reassuring, but her body had different ideas. The kiss became so hot she had to push him away or she would've lost it. She went back to her room, rubbing herself to a quick orgasm while she watched the sun rise through her window. There had been tension, a connection between the two of them. They all agreed to protect Katniss Everdeen in the arena, but to be honest the one person she really wants to protect is Peeta.  
  
One by one all the victors arrive at breakfast as do the star-crossed lovers. While they enter as a couple they take their breakfast trays to different tables. Katniss probably thinking that Mags is the least dangerous of the victors and chooses her for company while Peeta looks around until he finds her waving at him. He grins and joins her at the table.  
  
"Morning," he says.  
  
"Morning Love," she answers and swallows. What the? That was so uncalled for, why the hell did she say that? Sure, she wants to flirt with him, but this is too obvious. Peeta smiles at her, raising his eyebrows slightly.  
  
"Did you have sweet dreams last night?" Peeta asks innocently, not reacting to the endearment and to her everlasting shame she feels a blush coming at the thought of what she did after kissing him earlier. He shouldn't be able to make her blush! It should be the other way round.  
  
"Sure did. I think a thick, warm loaf of bread was involved somehow," she grins, certain that this will make _him_ blush in turn. "It was certainly satisfying!"  
  
"Yep, bread dreams tend to do that to people," he says and bites into a bun turning his attention to District 3's victors who just entered the cafeteria.  
  
Before she even can react to his non-reaction, he asks her what she thinks of Beetee and Wiress.  
  
What does she think of them? They are both in on the rebellion. They both lived the victor life for too long, they are both strange and they are both intelligent. They ain't called geniuses for nothing, but she would lie if she'd say she liked them much and suspects that the feeling is mutual. Caesar Flickerman told her in her victory interview that the girl from District 3 she had beheaded during the 71st Games had been Beetee's niece. She doubts the guy will ever forgive her.  
  
"Nuts and Volts? They are a bit gaga, if you ask me," she answers nonchalantly. She doesn't want Peeta to leave her side. Let Katniss get friendly with the weirdos, Peeta is for her.  
  
Peeta snorts, "Nuts and Volts? That's funny. Who made up these nicknames?"  
  
"I did, I did. Did you know that this is my talent, hon? I have a comedy show on Channel 3."  
  
While it's not true, it really should be. Carving is her official talent. She had been forced into it by Labele because Blight had problems with his hands after years of morphling abuse. Carving had been his talent originally. Even when it came to her talent the Capitol didn't let her choose her own.  
  
Peeta laughs lightly, the darkness that surrounded him yesterday seemingly gone and she is satisfied that she made him grin.  
  
"And what's your nickname?" he smiles at her gently, keeping eye contact.  
  
"Don't have one..." she answers, wondering. Maybe she has one, but people are afraid to call her anything but Johanna or Miss Mason.  
  
"Can't have that. Let me think for a second here," he looks her up and down and then says, "From now on you'll be called Jo-Jo."  
  
"Jo-Jo?" Johanna is not sure if she is a Jo-Jo.  
  
"I like it. It's a strong name. It reminds me of someone who always comes back, no matter how hard they are beaten, how deep they fall. No matter what kind of horrible things happen to them they stand tall. Vigorous even. I can't think of any name that fits better."  
  
"You know, this name sounds better by the minute. You surely know how to sell it."  
  
"Is that so? So how much are you willing to pay?" His eyes twinkle.  
  
"I think one kiss should seal the deal," she says confidently and finally gets rewarded with a sweet pink blush on his ruddy cheeks. It's faint - but it is unmistakably there. He seems to think of something to say when Blight lets himself fall on the chair beside hers, asking why she didn't wait for him. Johanna glares at Blight. Why does he seek out her company now of all times?  
  
Peeta in turn seems to have finished his breakfast and stands up.  
  
"Good morning and goodbye, Blight," he says to her district partner and then winks at her when he retreats. "Looking forward to have you settle your debt later tonight, Jo-Jo!"  
  
"Jo-Jo?" Blight stares at her with a questioning look in his eyes.  
  
"Uhh. Just shut it, Blight!" she nearly shouts.

 

* * *

  
  
She doesn't see much of Peeta for the rest of the morning as he returns to Katniss. He seeks her out for lunch. From then on they stay together, while Katniss becomes part of the group around Beetee.  
  
Peeta shows her his skills at the camouflage station, drawing a fuchsia colored blossom on the back of her hand, holding it in place gently, playing with her fingers as the brush caresses her skin. Later she shows him a few basic positions needed when handling an axe. She is impressed by his natural stance and jokes that he should think of a career in the timber industry.  
  
They meet again on the rooftop at midnight. Sitting on the bench, they spend some time talking and when she falls silent for a minute, looking at the stars, she feels his fingers on her hand. Without warning his mouth is on hers and she opens her lips, letting his tongue in. He seems eager, almost aggressive holding her head in place with his hands. She lets him work on her without resistance. While she enjoys the sensation, and finds her own fingers playing with his locks, this is barely enough for both of them.  
  
Johanna's mind is reeling. Kissing is nice and all, but she doesn't want to find a picture of herself having sex with Peeta Mellark on the Training Center's roof in the morning paper next day. Peeta's image would be stained, losing him and Katniss important sponsors. Unfortunately she has no idea where they could go. The walls have eyes and she doesn't feel like giving them a show.  
  
The following days go on like this. They eat breakfast together. Peeta stays with Katniss for the morning sessions and then joins Johanna for lunch and the rest of the afternoon. They meet on the bench for heated hours of moonlight kissing.  
  
As the Games draw nearer Peeta grows bolder. He takes her into his arms on the first night, haltingly puts his hands on her breasts on the second, and when she makes approving noises starts to knead them through her clothes on the third. She mimics his actions, pinches his nipples and cups him through his trousers on the day before they get their scores from the Gamemakers. He hisses and moans and those are the sweetest sounds she ever heard.  
  
President Snow visits the training session and the anger at the Capitol that's always a part of her nearly errupts. Heat courses through her body when she performs in front of the Gamemakers with her axe, earning her a nice 10 in the end. Katniss and Peeta are scored 12, thanks to Plutarch Heavensbee.  
  
That evening, the desire to lie with him becomes overwhelming and when they begin to grind into each other fully clothed and she feels his hardness against her stomach she can't help but whisper "I want to fuck you," in his ear.

He moans a needy "Me too," into her hair and that settles that.  
  
"After the, ah, interviews," her voice is low, licking the shell of his ear "My room, okay?"  
  
"Okay, okay," he shudders "Yes. Jo-Jo....yeesss" She doesn't think of their imminent death, or his relationship with Katniss Everdeen. Walking on clouds she spends the next day in pleasant anticipation.  

 

* * *

  
  
Her heart aches, knowing her days with Peeta are coming to an end. That ache turns into anger and all her built up tension errupts at the Interview where she tells the whole of the Capitol to fuck themselves. It's a liberating feeling.  
  
When Katniss turns into a Mockingjay on stage the world is on standstill for a moment. They can do it, she feels, they can destroy this place. Katniss really has the power to become a legend. Still that doesn't mean she likes her much. Somehow Katniss got on her nerves more and more during these last days. She might be perfect for a revolution, but outside of that she is a bore.  
  
Peeta then takes the stage, playing the part of the adoring lover of the girl on fire perfectly. Why is he always turning attention to Katniss though? He has so many lovely talents himself, why can't he see that?  
  
She only half listens, but then he goes on about a secret marriage in Twelve and some odd toasting tradition. It doesn't really surprise her that Peeta and Katniss are lovers. While she admits she feels a bit disappointed, it was perceivable in the way Peeta held her. He is in love with Katniss. The Mockingjay would have to be completely void of brain to even think refusing to share her bed with a handsome guy like Peeta. What Katniss really feels however is as uncertain as ever. The girl on fire blushes slightly when Peeta continues to talk with Caesar Flickerman and then says "If it weren't for the baby..."  
  
Baby? Peeta knocked Katniss up? Johanna stares at him and the slight nod Peeta gives Katniss seems to confirm it. Caesar can barely hold the audience back who are getting really agitated.  
  
_No, please, no. That can't be. That shouldn't be._  
  
She is still shell shocked when the victors hold hands and the Capitol cuts off the broadcast. There is slight chaos backstage and Johanna's steps are unsteady as she makes her way back to her temporary home, all the giddiness lost.  
  
She saw Peeta seeking eye contact with her from the corner of her eye and looked away on purpose. All the want is gone. Only sadness is left. It seems like a weird illusion, the fact that she wanted to have sex with him tonight. Why did she get so caught up in that guy anyway? Her sex drive is the only thing she can blame, Peeta Mellark is nothing to her, nothing special at all. This was just a little fling to distract her, some fun while she was still alive and breathing. Obviously it wasn't meant to be, she had fooled herself.  
  
Peeta is going to be a father. Ironic and sad that he might be dead even before he can witness the swell of Katniss' belly. ' _Once more, history repeats itself_ ', she thinks dejectedly when she arrives in her room. She's not in the mood for a shower, sheds the dress and crawls under the covers, tears in her eyes, falling into an uneasy sleep.  
  
She dreams of a _young man she has never met before. In her dream that man looks like Peeta Mellark. Which is strange because she's seen the pictures, seen the videos and the man looks nothing like Peeta. The man is holding hands with a girl on a bench beneath an oak tree at the Girder. The girl is the spitting image of Johanna. They could be twins. They could be sisters. They are not. The image vanishes and she sees the young man making gurgling sounds as he dies lying in a puddle of his own blood._ She had rewatched that scene until the tape broke and she ordered another from the Capitol. _Her father's dead eyes stare at her, he whispers her name, the name of a daughter he never knew._  
  
"Johanna!" She wakes up with a start. Peeta is knocking on her door. What now? Getting out of bed she nearly stumbles over her discarded dress.  
  
Angrily she jerks the door open and he looks startled. Wearing nothing but her underwear she screeches at him, "What do you want?"  
  
He looks down the corridor and then back at her "Can I come in?"  
  
Grumbling she steps away from the door and he enters, looking a bit out of place, closing the door behind him.  
  
"Did I wake you?" he asks slowly, looking around her room.  
  
"Obviously," she mumbles, searching for a bottle of water in her mini bar.  
  
"I thought we had a date, Jo-Jo. You don't look like you're happy to see me."

He sounds hurt and that's just stupid. She looks at him and feels her walls crumble already. He appears unsure of himself, lost, and completely different from the young man who'd told Panem hours ago, that he and Katniss Everdeen made a baby.  
  
"Sit down," she sighs and he sits down on her bed, ignoring the two comfy armchairs next to the mini bar.  
  
"You want to be a father?" she asks, not in the mood for small talk.  
  
"One day, yes. I like children, always did. Growing up with two brothers I always saw myself with at least two of them later on. But I just turned seventeen. So right now I have to say, hell no," he grins at her. "If I had the chance to make it to thirty, we could talk again."  
  
"So you didn't spare one thought of that child of yours growing in Katniss' belly right now? Just wanted to have some fun while you had the chance, right?"  
  
"What are you talking about, Johanna?"

He doesn't understand the question though it is obvious why she asked.  
  
"Answer the question. When you two decided to have a baby, did you ever think of that child and what kind of world it would be born into? And even if you didn't... I mean, you say you love Katniss and you're ready to give up your life for her. How is that going to make her feel, if you die in the arena? The kid will never know its father and Katniss will forever be reminded."  
  
A frustrated sigh leaves him. It is, as if she's not getting his hints. The room is bugged, both of them know. He takes a long look at her.  
  
"Won't you sit with me?" he asks and pats the spot next to him. She does, still feeling the warmth her body left behind.  
  
"I'm prepared to die, Johanna. I'm going to die. In a few days, I will be gone, there is no talking around it. I don't want to see any of you guys dead. Mags, Finnick, Wiress - they are all good people.  I don't want to be the one who kills either of you. Think me weak if you like, but that's how I feel. And Katniss, gosh, she is just impossibly stubborn. I really got to know her over these last months and she deserves a happy ending, you know? With a child she loves. She would make, no, she _will_ make a great mother one day. I'm confident she will. She probably plans to die in the arena. Protecting me. She still feels like she owes me for something I did when we were children. Now she won't dare to die. There is a future, a baby she'll have to protect. Her life is not only her own. She will fight for survival. For her family. For her loved ones. That's all I ever wanted. That's why I made that baby with her."  
  
There is no baby, Johanna suspects. Understanding dawns on her. The pregnancy talk was all for show. Of course. Clever. Oh, so clever. And she fell for it, like the rest of stupid Panem.  
  
"Say no more," she puts her finger on his lips. "I get it now."  
  
His speech made her depressed. She doesn't want him thinking about death, she needs him to fight for his life in the arena. He shouldn't give up before it even starts. The last few peaceful hours should be special for Peeta and she can help with that.  
  
He presses a small kiss on her finger, then he sucks the tip into his mouth.  
  
"You taste salty," he murmurs.  
  
"Are you sure? You can't tell after one little lick, Peeta. You have to get a better taste." She holds out her hand to him, lets him cover it with saliva thoroughly, while her other hand opens up his fly, releasing his growing erection from his underwear. He is thick indeed, like she imagined and she smiles. Swapping hands, she starts to massage him, her lubricated hand making squishy noises in the silence of the bedroom. His hands fumble with her bra for a second, freeing her breasts.  
  
"I've been waiting for this since I saw you in the elevator," he says and she laughs.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah..." he nods, eagerly cupping her breasts. She pumps him harder and he freezes in his motions as he comes seconds later. Too soon, way too soon.  
  
"That was rude, love. I didn't get to have any fun," she pouts. He blushes.  
  
"I'm sorry. Just give me a minute or so, and I promise you won't regret it."

He lies back on the bed for a few seconds, sighing deeply. She watches him undress and the way he fold his clothes neatly on the floor reminds her of a child being forced to keep order by his mother. Peeta is still so young, has not been in the Capitol often. There is still so much innocence left in his actions.  
  
After drying her hands on the sheets she stands up and slips out of her panties and they lie together on the bed in embrace, beginning to trade sweet kisses. As they begin to rub against each other - finally without the restraints of their clothing - she asks him what he thought about after seeing her in the elevator. He makes a downward motion with his hand.  
  
"There? You wanna touch?"

He nods sheepishly and she guides his hand between her legs, letting his fingers explore her. It's so good and Peeta is confident in his actions. ' _That's an artist'_ , she thinks while she presses small kisses on his face, ' _they just know how to touch all the right places._ ' It doesn't take long for him to get her juices flowing with his talented fingers circling inside of her.  
  
He wasn't lying about that minute either. Oh the joys of being a seventeen year old boy.  
  
"Enough," she says gently and he takes his hand away looking at her. Waiting for permission to enter. How adorable.  
  
"Come on in," she laughs and he rolls on top of her body. She opens up her legs and he clumsily slides between them, looking less sure now. Feeling something cold on her side she looks at his prosthetic leg and understands his hesitation.  
  
"It's alright," she says soothingly and puts her hands on his behind.

"We all have our imperfections. But in my eyes, you're pretty much perfect right now!"  
  
That's all the encouragement he needs as he leans on one elbow on her side, careful not to crush her, and pushes in slowly. She doesn't need slowly, but lets him find his own comfortable position. When he starts a jerky rhythm she grabs him harder, sucking on his neck.  
  
"Johanna," he moans and she loves the way he says her name. "You're so lovely, uh..."  
  
"You're not bad yourself," she groans meeting his thrusts eagerly. This is hot. Maybe she should have let him take her from behind, but Peeta seems more comfortable like this. Missionary is a good position for him with his leg, she guesses. She moans happily, feeling her orgasm building.  
  
"Mmmh," she purrs and his movements become faster, harder as he loses control once more. He groans a forced "Jo-Jo" into her ear and empties himself. She comes only seconds after and clenches her inner muscles tightly around him, squeezing him dry between her legs.  
  
He looks at her in amazement, panting slightly and she grins, wondering if he had felt a girl do that to him before. Probably not. She cannot imagine Katniss or some other District Twelve girl managing this particular technique. It took her months of training to manage having control over these muscles. Next time they do it she'll be on top. That's it! Perfect position, he only has to lie there. Why didn't she think of this sooner? Will there even be a next time?  
  
Pulling out he takes her into his arms and starts drawing lazy circles on her stomach with his fingers.  
  
"Thank you," he says politely and she feels a slight burn in her eyes. Why is he thanking her? Does he think he doesn't deserve a bit of love?  
  
"My pleasure. I mean really, I'm glad that you came to my room. I wouldn't have thought I'd have such a nice time. During the training and tonight. That was fun."

She hesitates and then adds, "Honestly, I was surprised. I thought you would spend the remaining days with Katniss. But...I...there is still a whole day left though, so I understand if you want to leave now. I... I don't really expect you to stay, you know." She finds herself babbling. Doesn't want him to go, unsure why she even brought it up. Stupid Jo. Dammit.  
  
He squeezes her shoulder. "I'm going nowhere. I want to spend that last day with you." 

She blinks.  
  
"If you'll have me."  
  
"Of course, I'll have you" she laughs. Worries about the Quarter Quell arena would have to wait until tomorrow. There were so many things she still wanted to do with Peeta before dawn would break over the skyline of the Capitol.


	3. Parents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains torture scenes. Explicit and bloody. Don't read any further if torture, non-con and death aren't for you.
> 
> Sorry that this took such a long time. It might not be the best Malark story around, but aren't we all desperate at this point? It's such a rare pairing. *sigh* It's in the nature of the canon-setting that this turned out fairly dark. There is very little fluff left in this story. 
> 
> POV returns to Peeta. As always, not beta-ed or preread, all mistakes are mine.

Peeta Mellark had never imagined himself in the position he finds himself in during the last hours before he enters the Hunger Games arena for a second and last time. And that is between Johanna Mason's legs. When Peeta had imagined himself and a girl having sex it always ended up with a olive skinned beauty who morphed into Katniss. The girl had Katniss' face, Katniss body or even Katniss' voice, even though he barely heard her talk. Katniss was always quiet in class and the times when she had sung for her classmates were long over.  
  
The hours he spent with Johanna make him realize that he might've wasted years. Years. Maybe he would've been able to find a girl who'd been more than willing to show him what Johanna shows him now. He thinks himself very fortunate as Johanna doesn't seem to realize that Peeta has never done any of this before. She seems to believe he did it several times with Katniss and even other girls from District 12. Somehow he can't bring himself to tell her that she's his first. Determined to make her feel as good as she made him feel Peeta  lies between Johanna's legs, his new favorite position. Her favorite position as well, judging by the way she moans out her pleasure while he thoroughly licked her, steady and slowly but oh so good. At first it tasted weird. Not sweet, more musky and neutral. Peeta got used to it quickly though, even felt proud that someone like Johanna is dripping with wetness for him. Desires him so obviously, so madly. She moans as if there is no tomorrow, and well, there is no tomorrow. The last few hours most Victors who will enter the Quell arena are probably asleep, prepared to enter that battle rested. But Johanna Mason and Peeta Mellark are hanging onto life these last hours, getting as much pleasure as humanly possible.  
  
When she pleasures him orally for the first time, he can barely hold still and explodes after a fews strong sucks from her talented mouth. He never imagined something could feel that good. He loses count of the times he comes. There can't be a better way to leave this world than this. His cock resting in Johanna's tight snatch, this is the way to go. The world can end.

* * *

  
  
When it is finally time to leave her embrace Johanna looks unsure. She seems to have something to say, and he waits patiently.  
  
"Peeta," she begins, searching for his eyes. "Whatever happens, please promise me you won't do anything foolish, okay? Don't risk…too much, okay?"  
  
He isn't sure how to reply to her words. Risk too much? How can he risk too much? He will protect Katniss with his life, she must know that. How can he risk too much when it comes to Katniss' survival? What he doesn't know is, what the hell he should do when it comes to Johanna. He can't kill her. He might have been able to before, now it is impossible. Not after what they have shared. He can't, he won't hurt her. And if she attacks Katniss? He doesn't know what to do then. Can only hope that he is not that bad a judge of character. He just doesn't know.

Only because they shared something as intimate as sex, what does that make them? Allies, friends? In the end it's everyone for themselves in the arena. He knows it, the careers knew it, and Johanna won the Hunger Games - so she also knows it.  
  
Johanna seems to have a fight with herself, but he doesn't know what he can do to ease her worries. He can't promise her anything. He just kisses her one last time and then leaves, knowing that the inevitable death is near.

* * *

  
  
Katniss and Peeta stay close together. The clock arena is more gruesome and dangerous than the woods of the 74th Hunger Games. The heat is sickening. He has never felt such a humidity before. Peeta wanted to meet with Johanna, but lost sight of her when the countdown ended and he wasn't able to find footing in the water. Strangely enough Finnick Odair rescued him and  Mags and Katniss became a little group. As Haymitch wanted, they have allies now. Katniss wants to leave, he knows, wants it to be just the two of them. But he feels safer with District 4's victors around. Katniss still loves him, loves him like a brother but he feels the distance between them grow during their last days in the arena. Back then he always felt the desire to touch her, but that's gone.

His thoughts wander to Johanna and every time a cannon sounds he is afraid, so afraid that it's going to be her face shining brightly in the artificial sky. He doesn't want to see Johanna die and hopes, foolishly, that he can leave this world before she does. He hits a force field and almost dies. They lose Mags in the poisonous fogs. And a morph-addict saves his life from the mutt-monkeys. Everything happens so fast. He barely has time to look after Katniss, and with his leg and his injuries from hitting the force field he isn't much help anyway.  
  
They are back at the beach when he sees Johanna again. Against all instinct he runs over and hugs her. She is smeared with blood, it should be disgusting but all he feels is happiness.

Johanna returns his hug but whispers in his ear, "Don't, star-crossed lover." And he slowly let's go.  
  
How did everything become so complicated? Peeta gives Katniss a necklace with pictures of her family and Gale, tries to convince her to fight for her life. He has long planned this and Katniss nearly cries when she looks at the picture of Gale. He tells Katniss that no one really needs him and that might be the truth. Katniss looks awkward during the conversation and seeks the company of Finnick after his confession. While he never expected her to fall into his arms, he is a bit disappointed that Katniss doesn't even try to refute his words. Johanna is sitting on the edge of the shore to his right and he allows himself a few short moments of dreaming.  
  
Dreaming about them as free people. Imagines himself in a setting where he could become someone worthy of Johanna. She told him she is alone, and so is he. They could be something. He likes her. Not as much as Katniss, but he spent years thinking about Katniss, while he had been with Johanna for a few days only and he already begins to see her as more. It's not just the fact that they're clicking sexually. He sees something in Johanna that he has never seen in Katniss to that extent. Katniss is passionate, sure, but she is also guarded and closed up and rarely laughs.

There haven't been many instances where he could've seen her carefree, but the way Johanna handles her fate impresses him. She certainly did not have it easy either but he doesn't feel like Johanna cares much about their differences. One thing he really can't stand about Katniss is her superior attitude. Like he never knew pain, like she's the only one who could possibly have hardships in her life. Even in their first games, he never registered as an equal to her. Just that guy who had a crush on her and who would never be able to understand what kind of pain she and Gale Hawthorne and even Thresh went through. Peeta sighs. It's no use to worry about all of this, when death is just around the corner.

 

* * *

  
  
The world is exploding around Peeta. He doesn't know what's happening. Only that Katniss and Johanna are gone and now all hell is breaking loose. He has been searching for both of them for a while now, screaming and shouting not really bothering about the others. Has Johanna betrayed them? Him?  
  
When Peeta runs down to the beach to search for them he sees Johanna running about twenty feet to his left, trying to get back to the tree as well, he guesses? He is not sure if he should shout for her, but he does it anyway. And she flies around and catches his gaze when another explosion happens to his left in the sky. He has no idea what is going on and he also sees the confusion in Johanna's eyes as she slowly shakes her head. Her face is bloodied and her eyes are crazy. The explosion had been so loud, he can't hear a thing, only sees Johanna shouting something. He tries to get closer to her when something grabs his arm. He turns around and looks into the cold eyes of a peacekeeper he has never seen before. A scream leaves his throat.  
  
Why is a peacekeeper here? Are the games over? But Johanna and him are both alive. Where is Katniss? The peacekeeper doesn't seem to be interested in answering Peeta's questions and pulls out a syringe and pushes it into the flesh of Peeta's left arm. He tries to run, turns around, sees Johanna falling unconscious, as his world is turning black and the last thing he is consciously thinking is, _'Oh, so this is death. Kind of quick, isn't it?'_ and then he is gone.

 

* * *

  
  
The first thing that registers to Peeta is bright light. As he is pretty sure there is no life after death he can't be dead then. He opens his eyes to look into the cold eyes of Panem's president, whose gaze shows curious wonder. Peeta is confused, tries to get up, but finds himself strapped to a chair.  
  
"Mr. Mellark, long time no see," President Snow says coldly. "I admit, we never talked much. I preferred your lovely fianceé, Miss Everdeen. I apologize for overlooking you. Be sure you have my attention now."  
  
"Where?" coughs Peeta, who is not entirely sure he wants to know.  
  
"Where are we? In the Capitol, of course," President Snow grins. "Did you believe that you would come out of the arena alive? Join Miss Everdeen in District 13? Get rescued by our dear Plutarch Heavensbee?"  
  
"What is happening? District 13?"  
  
"Don't play stupid with me, boy," the president sounds bored now. "The Districts are rebelling and they are being led by your girlfriend. They call her the Mockingjay. It would be best for you to tell me everything you know. Or you'l meet with some new friends who are just dying to get their hands on a sweet boy like you."  
  
Peeta stares at the president, barely able to get his tongue under control, feeling sluggish from whatever they injected in the arena.  
  
"I don't know a thing about a rebellion, President Snow. I always thought District 13 was destroyed. Where are Haymitch and Finnick, where is Katniss?"  
  
The President stands up and motions to some peacekeeper by the only door. Only now does Peeta realize he is in a brightly lit cell. The room is entirely covered in white glazed tiles. The floor, the wall, even the ceiling. One wall directly to his left is pitch black though. Looks like a window into the darkness.

To his right Portia enters the room, looking as scared as he ever saw her. The peacekeeper behind the door comes in and takes the chair the president used, carrying it out of the room.  
  
"Get him ready for the interview," Snow orders Portia, " I want him camera-ready in half an hour."  
  
"Camera ready? What's happening? I know nothing, please…where are the others?"  
  
President Snow ignores his pleading and walks towards the door.  
  
"Where is Katniss? Please tell me…where is Johanna?"  
  
At this question the president finally turns around and grins devilishly.  
  
"Oh, so you are interested in the whereabouts of Miss Mason?"  
  
Peeta feels a cold shudder run down his spine, despite his state. What has happened to Johanna?  
  
"Don't fear my dear boy. You'll meet with Caesar Flickerman and the two of you will have a nice little chat in front of the cameras for all of Panem to see. And if you perform to my satisfaction I might let you know more about Johanna Mason, or should I call her Jo-Jo?"  
  
He knows. All of it. Peeta feels sick to his stomach when President Snow smiles, sickly sweet.  
  
"You had quite the affair going there. I admit, I'd never thought I would see such dirty deeds from a proper young man. Very shocking indeed. You will do exactly as Caesar tells you in the interview, or your sweet Jo-Jo will lose, mmh…let's say, a leg? That would be fitting, right? As she seems to think you're perfect without it, she won't need it either, what do you say?"  
  
Peeta forces himself to swallow the bile that is rising up his throat. President Snow and who knows who else watched him have sex with Johanna. The room must not only have been bugged, they must've been filmed. But not only that, she is here. Getting punished for something she had no control over, like he does.  
  
"I will do everything, please. Don't hurt her, she is not at fault," Peeta pleads, heart aching. They wouldn't really cut off Johanna's leg, would they?  
  
"Oh, Mr. Mellark. You should worry more about yourself instead. Our dear Miss Mason is much more cunning than she made you believe. She is a rebel. And I don't hold back when it comes to rebels. They must be squashed. But perform for me and she might get out of this with two legs, my dear boy."

 

* * *

  
  
The next two weeks, are spent filming interviews with Caesar Flickerman. Everything is scripted and Peeta does his best to know the lines by heart. Once he tried to say something a bit different from the script, tried to add a bit of personal rebellion but they cut it off immediately. Caesar Flickerman looked disappointed in him and motioned to some attendant to give Peeta a slap across the face. It didn't hurt too bad, Peeta was used to more pain, thanks to his mother, but it was certainly a warning. That incident exposed another truth. Caesar Flickerman was no friend of the Districts, he was Capitol through and through. He didn't hit Peeta, but he suspected that was because the Capitol MC didn't want to get his hands dirty.  
  
Peeta can't speak with Portia alone, and she looks so frightened that he doesn't try to. He is not sure what they did to her. She is from the Capitol. But so was Cinna, and Katniss told him in the arena that they killed him in front of her eyes.    
  
He stays in the room he woke up in after the Quell, which is located in the training center, next to the tv studios as one of the peacekeepers tells him. There is a tunnel under the streets, connecting these two buildings. The white tiled cell is located in the cellar. The temperature in the room is quite cool, but not so cold he is freezing. They have taken the chair away, so at least he isn't strapped down anymore. He must sleep on the tiles, there is no bed in the room, no blanket to cuddle in. They also don't dim the light, it's always annoyingly bright. Peeta has no idea if it is day or night and quickly loses track of time. Sometimes a guy who looks like a doctor comes in and asks questions about the rebellion. Questions about Katniss, Haymitch and Plutarch Heavensbee. He doesn't have the answers and the man refuses to answer his questions in return.  
  
Peeta does not meet the President again. He gets his instructions from the TV staff and Caesar Flickerman. No one tells him anything, so all he can do is try to get some answers by listening to questions. There seems to be a rebellion, planned by District 13 and Plutarch Heavensbee. Finnick, Beetee, and possibly Johanna have been in on it. For the first questioning sessions they still believe he might've been in on it, too. Later they seem to focus their questions on Katniss and how much she had possibly known about it. He tells them what he knows. And that is nothing. He asks them about Johanna but he doesn't get any answer. For a while he thinks they might've killed her, but then President Snow seemed quite happy about torturing Johanna, if he doesn't behave. So she might still be alive?

* * *

  
  
Sleeping is nearly impossible in the bright room. Peeta's eyes hurt and the black wall doesn't absorb any light, only reflects like a mirror. He mostly sleeps in the left corner of the room, trying to press his head against the blackness so he gets a little bit of darkness. He gets meals, but there doesn't seem to be a pattern to their delivery. The food is bad. It mostly consists of water that seems to have come up straight from the Capitol canals. He drinks up the dirt-filled liquid anyway, as he is constantly thirsty. He gets bread as well. Moldy and seemingly baked with tesserae grain. He wonders where the Capitol got it from. He cannot imagine anyone eating this stuff here. Soon, everything Peeta can think about is food. He dreams of the bakery all the time. He thinks of all the days he had more than enough to eat. He forgets about Katniss, the rebellion and Haymitch who he was so angry at for weeks. He forgets about his family, his father and mother, his brothers, home. He forgets about his life before his days in the cell. And he slowly begins to forget Johanna as well. There is only one thing he thinks about. Hunger. How hungry and thirsty he is. And that he is getting weaker each day. He desperately tries to hold on to the food but sometimes he throws up anyway. His reflection in the mirror starts to look unlike himself. Who is this thin wisp of a person, looking back at him? This can't be Peeta Mellark.  
  
He tries to prevent throwing up for another reason as well. They begin to physically assault him when he does. Two men, dressed in peacekeeper uniform made him clean up his "mess" as they called it and when he didn't do it fast enough, they started to punch him. His mothers slaps felt like kind caresses in comparison to this.  
  
He is allowed to go to the toilet once in a while. He tries desperately to hold it in, which isn't very hard as he doesn't eat, but sometimes he wets himself. They take away his clothes when this happens and only return them hours later while he sits shivering and huddled in a corner of the room.  
  
He can barely concentrate on learning his lines for the interview. Portia looks unnaturally scared when Caesar Flickerman criticizes her make up on him.  
  
"He looks like a dead man walking," the Hunger Games MC complains, "Do you even know how to do your job woman?"  
  
President Snow is in attendance for the interview, sitting in a plushy armchair, sipping tea. He doesn't seem to realize that Peeta is lucid enough to understand what he tells one of his ministers. Peeta only registers a few syllables, catches some worrisome words.  
  
Dead. District 13. Bombings. Tomorrow.  
  
Something about this makes him alert. They are going to bomb Thirteen. Want to kill Katniss. He must warn her, he must. But it doesn't say so in his lines. His lines are important, he has to follow the lines. With one last shred of sanity Peeta warns District 13 about the bombs.  
  
"End it," President Snow says and he feels a sharp pain, when another Peacekeeper punches his head. Hard.

* * *

  
  
Peeta is naked when he wakens in his cell sometime later. He is strapped to the chair, which has been brought back. They removed his artificial leg, but as he is sitting this doesn't matter. Everything hurts. But mostly his head.  
  
The chair faces the black wall. He knows, it's no coincidence. Something will happen behind that wall and they want him to see.  
  
"My dear Mr. Mellark," comes President Snow's voice through a speaker hidden between the tiles. "That was unnecessary, don't you agree? Well, you brought it onto yourself. We have a little show that we've prepared for you. In the next few hours you'll get to enjoy some special performances. One little last advice before you get entertained though. Don't close your eyes. If you close your eyes the show will go on even longer. Have fun."  
  
Fun, like frosting? Fun, like wrestling? Or fun, like kissing Johanna? No…not that kind of fun. Fun for a sadistic dictator is not the same idea of fun as the one for a teenaged boy from District 12.  
  
The wall turns transparent now and behind it lies a cell that looks exactly the same as his. Portia and his former prep team sit on chairs like the one he is sitting on. Strapped. Crying. Looking scared. So scared. Deathly afraid. The door opens and a peacekeeper enters the room carrying an axe.  
  
An axe.  
  
Like the one Johanna used in her Games. Like the one another kid used when he threw up as a young boy. He knows what's going to happen. And he knows he will be forced to watch it.

It's not on TV. The Hunger Games weren't acted out either. This is really happening. Live. Right now. In front of him. Because of him. Peeta tries to be strong. For Portia. Looks her straight in the eye, her and her team who so fussed over him. He barely blinks when her head finally rolls. There is nothing left to throw up. Nothing left to leave him, as he is slowly dying inside along with them.

* * *

  
  
After a while the wall turns black and the President's voice is back.  
  
"I'm very impressed by your courage, Mr. Mellark. I might've underestimated you. We have another very special performance for you in just a minute. Give us some time to clean up. I hope you'll keep on watching. Otherwise we might have to get you to do the cleaning this time round."  
  
Peeta feels oddly detached but still heeds the warning. He can't imagine seeing something even worse than what already has happened so far. What can be worse than watching people being executed, people being beheaded, people who you know, people who you care about, who have done nothing, nothing to be punished by a horrible death like this?  
  
He barely has time to blink when the wall turns transparent again. He can see the Avox girl from the training center and Darius, who had been turned into an Avox as well. Their eyes are tortured and their mouths are open in silent screams.  
  
"Let's turn up the volume, shall we?" President Snow says and Peeta has to listen to sounds that will haunt him in his nightmares for the rest of his life while the girl and Darius are tortured to death in front of his naked, broken self.

* * *

  
  
Time loses meaning when all you feel is pain. It's not the physical pain that breaks Peeta. It's his ability to feel for others. Peeta Mellark has always been an empathetic person. Lending a helping hand to that classmate who fell down the stairs in school, doing grocery shopping for the old woman next door, getting beaten because he didn't want the girl in the rain dead. Peeta could never just idly stand by when another person needed his help. Being forced to witness the torture of friends would have been horrible for anyone. For Peeta Mellark it was the worst torture imaginable. Because President Snow found that wonderful ability of Peeta's, used his knowledge in breaking him in the most horrid way possible.  
  
No amount of torture done to him could've prepared Peeta to what happened during the last week of his stay in the Capitol prison. Doctors, Peacekeepers and even President Snow himself had come and gone, tried to use some sort of hypnotherapy in addition to tracker jacker venom in making him think that Katniss Everdeen was a threat to his life, a mutt. They show him videos of her and forcefully inject the venom regularly. The only thing that comes out of it though is that Peeta thinks that Katniss is not particularly big, not particularly pretty. She's just a girl, a human being. Like him. Like all of them. Nothing more, and nothing less.  
  
"It's not working," he hears a doctor say to President Snow when he's bound in his chair one day, one night weeks, months or only hours after he watched the avox girl and Darius die.  
  
"Why do you think that is?" Snow asks icily and he can almost hear the torturer swallow. The man fears his days are coming to an end. President Snow is not happy.  
  
"We can only g..guess," he stutters. "M..might be his feelings for the girl are not as strong as we previously thought. They are bordering on indifferent now. This wouldn't happen if he felt passionate about her. Love can be turned into hate. Friendly affection on the other hand…turns into indifference."  
  
"Indifference you say?" The doctor can only nod.  
  
"Then my dear Doctor, Mr. Mellark has turned another casualty of war. He is of no use to me if he feels indifferent about her."  
  
"So…what are we doing now?"  
  
"I don't really care. Kill him if you'd like. Experiment on him a bit longer. Or…."  
  
A short pause. Peeta doesn't even feel afraid anymore. He wants them to kill him, wishes for the end. But wish-fulfillment is not Snow's forte.  
  
Snow appears in his line of vision and smiles at him cruelly.  
  
"Mr. Mellark," he says, "I'll leave you now. We won't meet again. I have one little parting gift for you prepared. You gave me so much trouble, it wouldn't be fair to let you die without giving you something back."  
  
He turns around and Peeta can see him smile at the black wall, grinning and saying one sentence that will haunt him for the rest of his days, understanding the meaning only years later, lying in his bed and waking up from a horrible nightmare.  
  
"My parting gift will be your life. You will stay alive to see your future die. Good night."

* * *

  
  
Peeta's mind is so befuddled that he can't place the words and doesn't even try to. Nothing can shock him anymore.  
  
He is wrong.  
  
They reattach his artificial leg. Clean him up a bit and dress him in white pajamas. He is allowed to leave the chair and slowly starts to walk around the cell. They bring him food. Very light soup and bread so his stomach won't get too upset.  He slowly starts to get better. Not knowing how much time passes he begins to walk normally again, building up muscles in his healthy leg.

* * *

  
  
The wall turns transparent. A small figure, a wisp of a human is huddled in the corner. Naked. Shaved bald. Curling into a ball so he can't make out more.  
  
This can't be…Johanna?  
  
He walks closer, presses his face against the glass to confirm, to check, if it's really her.  
  
"Johanna?" he croaks out, voice scratchy from weeks of screaming.  
  
Slowly the person raises her head. It is Johanna. He only recognizes her because of her eyes. Her entire face is bruised. Black, yellow and red patches mar her previously faultless skin.  
  
She looks at him and he knows she can see him as well.  
  
"Peeta," she says and her voice is strangely strong, not at all matching her broken body, "Please, look away. Please…." A tear rolls down her face and he doesn't understand what she means. Look away? He must look exactly like her, even worse. He didn't think she had a picnic while he was tortured. When the door opens and several men enter he slowly begins to understand. There is more torture to come.  
  
The three men look huge. They remind him of Brutus, only more brutal if that's possible. Are they from the Districts, or the Capitol?  
  
One of them grabs Johanna by her ankles and drags her to the middle of the cell. Johanna makes no noise while he holds her down and the other two start to undress. They laugh while one of them starts to insult Johanna as ugly and not worth it, and they say hopefully she'll die this time. This time. It's not the first time they've done this? Peeta stares, unable to move, tears running freely from his face. He can't help, can't protect, can't offer himself in exchange. Johanna just grunts once when one of them enters her brutally and he snaps out of it.  
  
She doesn't want him to watch, so he will at least give her that. His heart is breaking but he doesn't want her to feel even more humiliated by his presence. So he closes his eyes while his flat hands press against the glass. Not listening is out of the question though. The speakers in his cell are louder than usual and he won't give them the satisfaction of pressing his hands over his ears. Johanna is so strong. He tries to send her thoughts of love through the glass. She will survive this, they will survive this.

* * *

  
  
The men have more stamina than Peeta thought possible. Once one has finished another takes his place and so forth. It goes on for hours. How can a man be aroused by such an horrifying act? How could anyone enjoy hurting a broken girl like this, insulting her, hitting her? It's not the first time that Peeta starts to doubt the human race. Long before he even was in the Hunger Games he had asked his father if it wouldn't have been better for everyone to die during the dark days so that there would be a clean slate for the world to start over? His father only shook his head and answered that humans never change. That there was no thing such as a clean slate.  
  
When he finally opens his eyes they need a few minutes to adjust to the brightness of the cell. Johanna lies in the middle, her body flat on the white tiles, where they left her like she was nothing to them. Her body is covered in white liquids and she stares at the ceiling. There is gory blood between her thighs. Tears fall down Peeta's face at the sight of Johanna's starved body. Strangely enough her abdomen is slightly curved while her legs are so sickly skinny he wonders how she can walk. Did they cause inner bleedings, too?  
  
"I'm sorry," she murmurs in the direction of her stomach, "you were so strong. I'm sorry..couldn't protect…sorry," and he shakes his head. She doesn't deserve this, no matter how many times someone calls her a rebel. This is not fair. She still has her legs, so at least that threat went unfulfilled. But. She is bleeding heavily. He knows he can't do a thing to help her but he starts pleading in the direction of the microphone despite of it. To please help her. He would do anything. Anything. There is no answer and Johanna coughs.  
  
"Save your breath, Peeta," she whispers. He returns to the wall and presses his hands against the glass. What would he give to touch her, take her into his arms. She sits up and looks at him through tired eyes.  
  
"You're alive," she states.  
  
"And so are you," is the only answer he can give.  
  
"Well, who knows for how long," she says and winces. She opens her legs slightly and inspects the damage and Peeta averts his eyes.  
  
"You did well," she whispers and he can barely hear. She doesn't look at him. Is she talking to herself? She robs over to where he is standing, and presses her bloody hand against the window. Peeta sinks down and mimics her actions so that their hands press against each other with only the wall between them.  
  
"I thought they killed you, they told me you were dead," she says quietly. "I believed them."  
  
"Almost, Johanna," he moans. "Almost."  
  
Her eyes meet his.  
  
"You've seen better days, Peeta Mellark," there is the faintest hint of a smile, a slight teasing in her voice and Peeta can only stare. How does a woman like this exist? Johanna has just been violated in the most horrifying way possible, is bleeding from a vulnerable spot and still tries to make him feel better by cracking a joke.  
  
"Don't cry now," she scolds, voice firm. "Or I'll break down. Don't wanna give them this kind of triumph, you know."  
  
He nods. If she can do this, so can he. They fall asleep like that, cheek to cheek, only the cool surface of the wall separating them.

 

* * *

  
  
Peeta wakes suddenly to Johanna's helpless screams. At first he doesn't realize where he is but as soon as his eyes focus he sees Johanna, her eyes wild, her body shuddering violently in panic. Are the men back? No, she seems to be alone in her cell.  
  
"What is it, what is it Johanna?" He stands up and hammers against the wall but Johanna is in such a state she doesn't register he is there. And then he sees it. Water. At the back of the cell a pipe has appeared. Clear liquid is spraying out quickly, the room half flooded already. They're not…no, they can't do this. The won't drown her, they can't. The panic in Johanna's reaction makes Peeta feel hot and afraid. Johanna barely blinked when she had been beaten and repeatedly raped. But this, this water is sending her into such a frenzy, that…this torture method is familiar to her. She knows what's coming. And Peeta can't do a thing. She can't hear him. And now he will really see her die in front of him. Like he saw Portia and his prep team die. Like he saw the avox girl and Darius die. And while he was broken beyond repair by that he knows for sure he won't want to live another day in this world if he has to watch Johanna drown in front of him.  
  
He keeps on pounding against the wall, his knuckles bleeding. No, no, no. This can't be happening. No, please no. The last thing he sees are Johanna's skinny legs, paddling like mad to stay afloat while he falls unconscious, strangely thinking about the first time he saw those beautiful legs, feet clad in high heeled shoes, back in the elevator of the training center. And then, nothing.

* * *

  
  
The Capitol has fallen. That's what Haymitch tells Peeta when he awakes at least. There was a rebellion and Snow is dead. He choked on his own blood while Katniss Everdeen, also known as the Mockingjay, shot the newly elected President Coin in her heart. Peeta's family is dead. District 12 is no more. And Katniss Everdeen lost her baby sister when a bomb fell down on a group of captured Capitol children. Some say Gale Hawthorne had been involved in the invention of the bombs, but Peeta doesn't believe it for one second. Gale never leaves Katniss' side these days. She is also in the same hospital wing as Peeta, hurt and confused and if you'd believe a certain headdoctor called Dr. Aurelius, slightly crazy.  
  
That all went over while Peeta, Johanna, Annie and Enobaria had been held in a facility on the outskirts of the Capitol in a former hospital which had specifically designed torture chambers in the cellar. President Snow had them built to get rid of his enemies, always watching, enjoying the way the died. It's not far from his summer residence. Peeta is confused by this information. A peacekeeper had told him he had been held in the training center. But everything around his captivity is a blur and he doesn't have the energy to focus on the mystery of his holding cell. Honestly, he wants to forget the place exists, no matter where.  
  
They say that this was why it was so hard to find them. Nobody knew where they were and when they were finally found, two weeks after the Capitol burned, the rescuers literally got them out in the last second. Their torturers who had fled the place had initiated a program to drown them both. First Johanna and after he would have witnessed her death the water would have started to enter his cell, to end his life in the same way.  
  
But they made it out. Him and Johanna. After the initial shock and a short mourning for his parents and brothers Peeta ignored the advice of his doctors and left his bed to see Johanna who was in the same ward, three doors down the hall. Deeply asleep she had been, when he came by. He could hardly supress the groan of surprise that left him when he saw her again. Granted he hadn't looked in the mirror since then, either, not at all prepared to see what a wreck he had become. But Johanna could only be described as a broken shell. Haymitch told him that the fact that Johanna survived was a wonder in itself. No one knew what would happen now, she was still in a bad situation, malnourished and beaten.

 

* * *

  
  
A few days later Johanna wakes up. She is disoriented and visitors are only allowed for a short period of time.  
  
When he enters the room Johanna looks up and then turns away immediately.  
  
"Johanna?" he asks, voice quivering. Honestly all he wants to do is touch her, finally take her into his arms again. That had been the hardest thing in his cell, that he couldn't go to her and physically comfort her.  
  
"Go away, Mellark," she says coldly and he stares at her back. No, she can't mean that.  
  
"But.."  
  
"Go away. Leave this room and never look back. Whatever happened between us is over. I…." a short sob leaves her.  
  
"You don't want to be friends anymore?" he asks, shocked and hurt.  
  
"Friends?" she whispers, "No, I don't want that. I can't."  
  
She turns around and looks at him for one short second and immediately turns back again.  
  
"I…Peeta, I like you, I really do. But I can't look at you. All I see when I look into your face is that cell. You and me in that cell and what they did to us. It's connected. And I can't stand it. I can't. Go and live your life somewhere else. I must get over this somehow and it won't happen if I see you all the time. It's not comfort to me, it's only pain. Please understand."  
  
Johanna's voice is cool, not a trace of emotion in it. And suddenly Peeta understands. The Capitol has destroyed whatever it was that happened between them. They destroyed the tender romance that had been budding, cut the flower before it had a chance to bloom. They destroyed any hope that Peeta had left for them when they raped Johanna in front of his eyes. He whimpers. The pain is not physical but it is tearing him apart. He turns and runs away, back to his room and locks the door behind him. There is no way that he could ever have a happy ending. That he would ever be trusted or be more for a woman. His mother had been right.

No one wants him.

* * *

  
  
Peeta moves back to District 12. He has nowhere else to go. Katniss is there, too. And Haymitch. After a while Gale Hawthorne returns. Moves in with Katniss. The two of them often go hunting together, but Peeta doesn't feel anything resembling his earlier jealousy at the sight of the pair. He is happy that Katniss has this. If it weren't for Gale, Prim's death would have destroyed her, he is sure about it. Contrary to Johanna, Katniss wants to be friends. He also gets along with Gale. Now that Katniss has made her choice, their relationship becomes easier and he likes to talk to the hunter from the Seam. They become friends out of necessity at first, there are not many young men left here in Twelve that he can talk to. Soon he realizes that he honestly likes Gale and he is happy that he has another person to confide in.  
  
He thinks about rebuilding the bakery, but decides against it. The bakery trade is something he always enjoyed, but never felt much passion for. He continues to paint. It's the only thing he has left that he really feels passionate about. At first he paints pictures of landscapes, scenery. Slowly he begins to add buildings. And then people, his family, kids from school. After a while he returns to paint he games. The Quarter Quell. When seven months have passed he begins to sketch his cell for the first time. He has horrible nightmares that night. Dr. Aurelius says it's healthy to face this. But he doesn't want to return to his time in the cell. The horror is too fresh, still.

He understands Johanna more and more. Her not wanting to see him hurts. Especially because he can't stop thinking about her. Nice thoughts. Not about their time in prison. He remembers the days they spent together before the Quell. The happiest days of his life. He's fallen in love with yet another girl that doesn't want him. It's a curse.

 

* * *

  
  
Peeta sits at Katniss' kitchen table and watches her skin a rabbit for supper. It's been over a year since the downfall of the Capitol. Lately he has been feeling unrest. Restricted. He doesn't know if District 12 is the best place for him.  
  
"What's the matter?" Katniss asks when he stops talking for a minute. "You're unusually quiet."  
  
"I don't know. I mean, I feel a bit weird lately. As if I don't belong here."  
  
Katniss stops what she's doing and sits down next to him.  
  
"Sorry, I've been neglecting you, Peeta."  
  
"No, don't worry. It's not you…it's just…I guess, I'm just feeling lonely. A bit sorry for myself, you know."  
  
Katniss sighs.

"I know the feeling. Gale is here and I'm thankful. But some days I can barely leave the bed. And lately….it's only been a year but…"  
  
"But?"  
  
Katniss shakes her head, tries to change the topic, "What about that girl you've been meeting? Alla, right? Isn't she helping you ease that loneliness?"  
  
Peeta blushes. Alla is a friend of Gale's who lives in town, managing the sweet shop with her family. She is from District 2, a blonde girl, a merchant's daughter. Basically the perfect choice for him. Even his dead mother would have a hard time to find a fault in Alla. Peeta has been with her a few times, but other than some weak desire and attraction he doesn't find her to be a good partner. She is a bit boring and slightly superficial. He can't talk to her like he can talk to Katniss or….no, he doesn't want to go there.  
  
"You're changing the subject, Everdeen," he scolds.  
  
Katniss blushes sweetly.  
  
"You can talk to me, you know," he says, "about everything. I'm your friend and don't like you like that." He winks, it's an inside joke they share. Whenever they talk about her relationship with Gale or his with Alla one of them says, "I don't like you like that." and they start to laugh.  
  
"Okay, okay," she answers, "Gale has been talking about children."  
  
"Children?" he asks, dumbfounded.  
  
She grins. "Yep, he's mental right…but…" her face falls, "even if I could…I'm afraid to tell him. My period..it's been unstable. I haven't bled for a long time….it's…I doubt it'll come back. So….do you think he would leave, knowing that?"  
  
"No, no, he wouldn't. Never," Peeta reassures. Gale wouldn't leave. "And I doubt you're really barren. You should go to a doctor, Katniss. It must be the stress. Anyway, aren't you a bit young to think about that?" he asks, but in his mind a feeling of strange longing takes root. The longing for a child. He shakes his head. He just turned nineteen. Too young for this.  
  
"I guess so," Katniss gnaws on her lips. and seems to think about something.  
  
"Johanna called," she says hesitantly and all color leaves Peeta's face.  
  
"What?" he whispers. They hadn't heard from Johanna since the rebellion. The last time he saw her was when he sneaked into her hospital room to get a last look at her before he left. She had been asleep. Looking young, innocent. The bruises were gone but she was still dangerously thin, had to stay in the hospital a bit longer.  
  
"She made me swear that I won't tell you. But…I was happy to hear from her, have a talk from woman to woman, you know. She went strangely quiet when I told her about Gale wanting children. And after a while she started crying. I have never heard her cry. Then she started to pepper me with questions. I thought that was very strange."  
  
"You did?"  
  
"Yes, because it seems like she only wanted to know things about you. How you are coping, what you are doing, if you're better. Only about you. What happened between you two? I felt uncomfortable telling her about your life and told her to call you herself, but she refused and made me swear that I wouldn't tell you about the call."  
  
"You know what happened, Katniss," he answers. "I witnessed her torture and she refused to see me after that."  
  
Katniss raises her eyebrow. "And?"  
  
He sighs, but sees no reason to withhold the truth. "We got close before the Quell. We…well, we made love," he blushes. "It was my first time. With Johanna."  
  
Katniss stares at him. "No way."

Surprise is etched onto her face.  
  
"Remember I don't like you like that," he scolds.  
  
"And now I finally know why," she grins at him and then giggles, voice teasing "Oh, I remember her getting naked in the elevator. You were certainly happy to see her!"  
  
Peeta blushes beet-red. "You noticed?"  
  
"Sure. Even I got hot and flustered. Johanna is quite the catch," Katniss grins even wider. "Do you think Haymitch got excited as well?"  
  
"Stop it," Peeta laughs, "I don't want to think about it. Anyway, that was before we made love."  
  
Katniss meets his gaze, thoughtfully, "You keep referring to sex with Johanna as making love. You never did that with Alla."  
  
Her eyes grow wider, "You're in love with Johanna!"  
  
"No…yes, maybe," he stutters. "What does it matter? She is ashamed, too embarrassed to look me in the eye, doesn't want me touching her. She wanted me out of her life and I can't blame her…."  
  
Suddenly serious, Katniss grasps his hands. "Fight for her, Peeta. She feels deeply about you, I can tell. I don't know if it's love but she sounded desperate."  
  
"Katniss, no. You don't know what happened in prison, and I certainly won't tell you. It's complicated."  
  
"Yes, it is. It's always going to be hard. Do you think my relationship with Gale is easy? But we're talking about the woman you love. She needs your help. I know why you're feeling restless here. As much as I'd hate to see you go, I think you have to. She's back in District 7. Tries her best to get her life going again. Go meet her. If it doesn't work out you at least gave it a try."  
  
"I'll think about it," he tells her, but hope as already taking root from the moment Katniss told him about Johanna's call. She is thinking about him, hasn't forgotten him. He has to go.

* * *

  
  
That night he has a terrible nightmare. He is back in the cell with Johanna who is being violated by the three men. He wants to kill them so badly. He screams and shouts and hits the wall. When they are finally finished and leaving, Johanna lies there, hurting, whimpering, and suddenly she's not Johanna anymore, but Katniss. And she lies in his arms, naked and bleeding from her thighs.  
  
"Gale doesn't want damaged goods, Peeta," she whispers, tears running down her face. "He won't want a woman who couldn't even protect his child." And then her eyes lose their shine and she is Johanna again. Dead.  
  
Peeta wakes up screaming. What was that? He often had nightmares about Johanna's time in the white cell. Truthfully he had thought of going to District 7 sooner. But the nightmares kept him away. He was afraid that Johanna had been right in her assessment that they would only be reminded of their time in that white hell.  
  
But this dream…was different. Was it because what Katniss told him about being barren? He shudders and then….it couldn't be could it? That Johanna and him had…that she had been…he thinks back to their nights together and everything clicks. There had been no protection, he came inside of Johanna a few times. And the way her belly had looked, all that blood between her thighs. He sobs and runs to the bathroom vomiting heavily. When he is finished he washes out his mouth and turns to his wardrobe, starting to pack. He'll go to District 7. And he won't come back.

 

* * *

  
  
Johanna hadn't moved back to the Victor's Village. With the help of the lumberjacks she had built a small wooden house a few miles from the District 7 township. Peeta had a hard time finding the house as it was so secluded.  
  
He knocks on the door and she opens it after seconds. Had she seen him coming?  
  
"Brainless told you. That girl….always meddling in other people's business."  
  
That isn't exactly the right definition of Katniss Everdeen but Peeta lets it slide to get a better look at Johanna.  
  
Her hair is short and spiky, like he remembers. There are no bruises on her face left, but she is scrawny. Too thin. Her eyes have a haunted look in them. She wears a dress, a violet dress with a fluffy skirt. He doesn't know why, but that surprises him. Her legs are bare and he can make out small red patches. Mosquito bites.  
  
"Hello," he says and she gives him a weak smile. "Can I come in?"  
  
"Sure," she answers, "Come on in."  
  
Johanna probably doesn't remember but she used the same words when he slipped into her body in the training center. He blushes slightly and enters the house.  
  
"Why did you come here, Peeta?" she asks blankly and he has a feeling that she's hiding her real emotions. Her hand is trembling. She is afraid.  
  
There is no use to pretend, he won't talk around it.  
  
"To stay with you. To be with you. To love you." He pauses. "If you let me."  
  
Johanna's eyes are surprised and she can't hide the hopeful nuance in her voice when she answers, "I suppose we can give it a try."  
  
And try they do.

* * *

  
  
The first year is the hardest.

They both take some time to find their calling in life. In the end Johanna enjoyed the creation of her little house so much, she starts to study architecture, creates plans for most of the new houses in the district. Peeta finds he enjoys interior design. It's not the most profitable work, but they can make a decent living from it. They travel around Panem to get inspiration. Visit all the districts and their old friends.

Gale and Katniss have a toasting and next to both of their families plus Haymitch, Peeta and Johanna are the only guests. Johanna didn't believe Peeta when he told her that there was nothing romantic left between him and Katniss.

After the wedding she never showed him that sort of jealousy again. It takes months before she lets him kiss her. Flinches at his touch, at any contact really. Stays afraid of water. They learn that being with him helps. She let's him wash her, gently and slowly and she reassociates cleaning with something good.  
  
One evening she shakes violently after he kissed her more passionately than before.  
  
"I can't do this, Peeta," she sobs.  
  
"We don't have to do anything," he says again and again. "I'm happy to be with you like this."  
  
"So you don't want sex?"

They often have this argument.  
  
"I want it. But I don't need it," he says.  
  
"Well, I do. I've always enjoyed it, Peeta. I had lots of sex before, I love it and I miss it, but then..when I get in the mood and I want you, and all….I feel sick to my stomach. I can't…." she stops and angry lines appear around her mouth.

She turns and walks away and tears form in Peeta's eyes.

Johanna refuses to talk to Dr. Aurelius. Sometimes she starts to insult him. Some days she goes on and on how she's not worth it.  
  
One evening after a long walk in the woods they come home holding hands and Johanna kisses him heavily and he gets so hard it hurts.  
  
"I wanna fuck," she moans and he has to bite hard on his lip and take a step back. This is not a good idea. She's crying again.  
  
"It can't go on like this," she nods.

"I'll call Aurelius in the morning."  
  
They cuddle that night until they fall asleep.  
  
Months later Johanna and him are going forward. One step at a time. Simply kissing. Slowly, just simple pecks on the lips. Longer, sweeter.  
  
Then she puts his hand on her breasts.  
  
Two years after he moved in, they try to make love again. She cries and he wants to stop, but she holds him close, closer.  
  
"We can't stop," she whispers. "There is only one way. Forward."  
  
She doesn't enjoy it, he knows. He also knows that she wants to enjoy it. And she wants to make him happy.  
  
"Johanna," he whispers one night when she is extremely stiff in his arms and he is at his wits end. "That night at he training center…I..."  
  
"I can never be that girl again, Peeta," she says dejectedly.  
  
"Please let me finish what I'm trying to say here," he interrupts. "That night I was so happy. Happy that you chose me. I had never been with a girl before that night. You were my first."  
  
"My ass," Johanna says, with a chuckle. "The methods you choose to make me feel better get weirder and weirder each time. Next time bake me a chocolate cake."  
  
He turns around and gazes into her eyes. "I'm serious," he says, smiling.  
  
"Yeah? Should I call Katniss to confirm that?" she grins at him, and he feels her body relax.  
  
"Feel free to do that," he laughs. "I've never been with Katniss."  
  
She gives him a long look.

"Why do you even like me, Peeta? This is crazy. Me being your first? It really didn't seem that way. You were so confident."  
  
"I think you thought I was clumsy because of my leg or something. That wasn't the reason though," he smiles at her again, "I was nervous as hell. I came too fast. And then I didn't want to disappoint you. You were pretty intimidating."  
  
She shakes her head in wonder, "Unbelievable. I never would've guessed."  
  
"What I'm trying to tell you is this: You set the pace, you lead me along. You tell me where, when or how to touch you. Honestly, I'm even happy with lying here, no touching, while you ride me. You have the power in this and I'll give it to you willingly. Like I did that night."  
  
Johanna looks at the ceiling now.  
  
"I don't want it like this. That kind of power exchange is not what I need. I want you to touch me without being afraid or asking for permission. I want you to do what you like, what turns you on."  
  
"But.."  
  
"If I don't like it, I'll let you know. Let's be equals in this. It might take longer this way, but I think it'll be worth it. For both of us."  
  
"Okay," he answers. "I love you."  
  
She stiffens, but then relaxes slowly. He told her before, but she couldn't bring herself to say it back. It's on her lips this time, she almost says it, but what comes out makes Peeta get rigid in return.  
  
"Yeah, sure. Me and Alla," she says sarcastically.  
  
"Wha..?" he gasps. He hadn't thought about Alla in years.  
  
"I'm sorry, that was uncalled for," she apologizes. "It's like you holding a grudge because of my relationship with Wulfrayd."  
  
"Wulf…Wulfrayd?" Peeta stutters. Johanna looks guilty now. Wulfrayd is a friend of them who lives with his wife and children in town.  
  
"Yeah. Sorry about that," she whispers.  
  
"I knew about Wulfrayd and you, Johanna. But I always thought that had been before we met."  
  
"Yes, I'm sorry. It was before we met, I'm stupid for bringing it up. Gosh, I'm an idiot."  
  
"And Alla? I never thought about mentioning her because she wasn't important. I didn't love her. Where did you get that idea?"  
  
"Ah, Katniss mentioned her name when I called her after the rebellion. Before you came back for me. I always wondered if I had destroyed something for you…"  
  
"You haven't," he says, determined and starts to whisper endearing things in her ear. "That you even remember that name...." He shakes his head.  "I'm sorry. You are my first. And my only. There is only us. Believe me."  
  
"I do," she replies, nuzzling her nose into his neck. "It is hard to believe, after all we've been through. But you're here with me. You're here and I…have someone I love. I love you, Peeta. Let's make love."  
  
He nods and despite of what she said earlier, lets her set the pace. He feels more comfortable like this as he can't bear the thought of hurting her. Only when she asks him to fuck her hard, harder, faster, many months later - does he let go. She deserves someone who treasures her for who she is and who will take her as she comes. Who understands her history and her little quirks. Who will always be there for her, no matter what.

* * *

  
  
At thirty-seven years old, he never would have thought he could ever feel something as powerful and strong as he had felt for the girl on fire from the age of five until he had grown into a man. He never thought that he would be able to love another woman as much as Johanna. Sexual desire, passion, yes, these were easily awakened in a man's body, and he had been no exception. But for all his life he never thought he would end up here, in this warm and cozy place in District 7 which was now called the Woodlands and simply be…. happy.  
  
"Papa," a little blond boy comes running into the kitchen where he prepares a birthday cake, "Papa, you've got to see this! Mama built a treehouse! It's awesome, Papa!  It even has a small staircase, and a door. Please come look!" His son is jumping up and down, dragging his hand, excitement clearly evident in his brown eyes.  
  
He smiles and follows his boy into the woods behind the house. Grinning at him, sitting on a blanket on the greenery a look of exhaustion clearly evident on her face is the mother of his son. They built this treehouse together for Holts birthday. But she had done most of the work. Holt's mama always had a way with the timber, and axes. Holt turns five today. The same age he had been when he heard a dark haired girl in a red dress sing the Valley Song.  
  
As he climbs the wooden staircase with his son, the sun streaming down through the leaves of the oak tree, he can't believe how lucky they are.  
  
Being in a loving relationship is a wonder. There had been so much pain and torture that it almost pulled them apart, made their relationship throughout the years a very rocky one. They still have horrible nightmares, their fights are loud and sometimes violent. But all in all he believes he wouldn't be here today, without her. He would have died. He would have died in the Quell. If not in the Quell, he would surely have died in the prison. And if not in the prison he would've died in Twelve from a broken heart. If it weren't for her.  
  
Holt's existence is a wonder. He will remain their only child, the doctors say. That she survived the pregnancy and the very bloody birth of their son is a wonder. He could hold her that day, could stay with her. Seeing all that blood was triggering flashbacks to the cell where they had lost a child fifteen years ago, but they fought through it.

Together.  
  
She confirmed his suspicion on the day she told him she was pregnant with Holt. He never asked her about the miscarriage before and didn't tell her he knew. The last thing that Peeta wanted was making Johanna think that he'd only come back to District 7 because of their lost baby.  
  
That she became pregnant at all, the doctors called it a medical miracle.

Surviving the prison of the Capitol during the rebellion, Peeta Mellark knew never to take love and life for granted.  
  
When he lies next to her on the blanket later, she smiles and winks at him.  
  
"You are a wonder," he says and kisses her lightly on the lips. "Jo-Jo."  
  
"Stop it Peeta, I hate that name," she says strictly, but there is a hidden laughter in her eyes. She gives him a tender kiss on the nose.  
  
"You don't. You love it. Loved it from the first time I said it when I came inside of you," he teases.  
  
She grins, "I am happy today, so I'll let it pass." She caresses his hair, pushes a blond strand out of his eyes. "But you have to make it up to me tonight, alright?"  
  
"Your wish is my command," he says and starts to kiss her again and again until their little boy wiggles himself between them and demands his cake.  
  
It's his birthday, after all.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Obviously I changed things around for this story, invented stuff that is not in canon, especially concerning Johanna's back story and her reasons for acting the way she does. You might find yourself thinking "But it's not like that in canon, why does that odd forest lady make up stuff like that, oh noes...." if you think that, my dear reader, it's better if you label this story as very mild alternate universe instead of simple canon-divergence. Or you could just imagine that Katniss got it all wrong. :)


End file.
